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We all know that New York Times marriage announcements are rife with unbearable, intolerable, and downright horrible people. Week in and week out, we’re forced to hear their overwrought tales of how they met and endured their honeymoon stage in La La Land only to get married in some random barn in Upstate New York.
But every once in a while, you come across a couple that you immediately want to befriend and go on couple’s trips with to Hudson over a long weekend. A couple that you want to have an ongoing group text with making fun of all the other annoying couples you’re forced to be friends with. A couple that’s not afraid to let you sleep on the couch after a dinner party when you clear out the better part of a case of wine.
Mariel and Justin? Yeah, they seem like that type of couple. Their marriage announcement from April 3rd references their love for collegiate lacrosse, their wedding ceremony, and their seemingly wonderful parents. But it wasn’t until the final paragraph of the announcement where you really got to see Justin’s moxy where he explains how the two met.
The couple met in their junior year of college after each had played during a day of lacrosse scrimmages at Manhattan College. “How could Mariel not fall in love with me?” Mr. Jensen asked. “I scored five goals.”
Justin just throwing out five-spots during scrimmages at his $37,000-per-year university in front of some girls teams from around the area? Yeah, that’s just what Justin does. If you think he didn’t have a little pep in his step when he saw Mariel in the stands watching, you’re crazy. That was his National Championship game because he knew that if he put on a laser show for the ladies, he was gettin’ busy that night.
Respect. .
[via New York Times / H/T Nichael Bluth]
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Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
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Check out the link to their announcement
10/10 would make up elaborate lies about my job/income to keep her interested for another 10 minutes
My snap judgment based on no proof whatsoever says that she does kegels at the gym in plain view of as many people as possible while wearing her gigantic wedding ring. So yeah, 10/10.
She’s definitely got but looks a little old to me, maybe just the picture
hot* dammit
Sounds like our generation’s Cotton Hill
“I killed fitty men.”
“I scored five goals.”
“I scored 5 goals”….Well Gary Gait still thinks you’re an insignificant piece of garbage and would take Mariel out for a wonderful steak dinner while simultaneously ripping behind the back shots from 10 yards out, on the run.
Leaving this here for DeFries…
Not normally a stalker, but next TGDAG: Get an Emoji Manicure
https://www.instagram.com/p/BC5saFEDqye/?taken-by=marielwenzel
Nice rock, though. Good on them.
Umm that head isn’t legal in college
Are marriage announcements a thing we all do now? PGP.
Holy mother fuck, she’s 26 with 2 BSs one of which is from Columbia, a Master’s, and is getting a PhD? And no offense here, but she is marrying a former lax bro with an MBA? Dude must have been on fire at that scrimmage.
Damn lax bro’s are the worst kind of people.