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This is a real email I received today from a real Michigan-based reader.
Hi Will,
While I’m not one to usually email people I’ve never met on the internet, I was on MLive (Michigan news website– I work in Ann Arbor, MI) and saw ABC is “casting the ultimate Kid Rock fan for a new reality show.”
Your mention of Kid Rock/love of Kid Rock stuck out to me in your articles, since my hometown is in “downriver” Michigan and most people don’t ever talk about Kid Rock outside of that area (they definitely don’t in Ann Arbor!). I thought I’d go out on a limb and pass this along to you in case it’s of interest to you, for an article or to apply.
Okay… This is officially going to be the strangest email I send today during the work day. Take care, thanks for the amusing articles when I’m bored at work!
And I don’t want to say I’m the perfect candidate for this ABC reality show, but I’m probably the perfect candidate for this ABC reality show. After all, I tried and tried and tried to get on The Real World so I could start doing steroids for The Challenge, but I officially look too old to be on either anymore. Like, a waiter on the TFM Cruise conservatively guessed I’m 35, so that’s the type of face I’m dealing with right now. But I digress.
ABC’s new show, Big Fan, pits three “super fans” against each other and apparently Detroit’s Son Kid Rock is going to be one of the featured celebrities. And luckily, you can apply here, which I’ve officially done. This season alone they’re featuring Matthew McConaughey (shit, do I need to apply for his too), Kim Kardashian, Kristen Bell (also from Michigan!) and Kid Rock. So without further ado, let’s get on with the application.
1. First Name
William
2. Last Name
deFries
3. Phone Number
[Redacted]
4. Email
5. Address
[Redacted]
6. What celebrity are you applying for?
Because I can’t do a combo-platter application for both McConaughey and Kid Rock, I’ll stuck with The Long-Haired Redneck Rock-N-Roll Son of Detroit.
7. Give us a brief description of yourself.
A Michigan native and Texas transplant, I’m more commonly known around my place of employment as “the whitest person at Grandex,” mostly because of my genuine love for Kid Rock.
8. What makes you their biggest fan?
Besides the fact that I wrote this column without doing any research, I once visited the Upper Peninsula’s Pictured Rocks because they were the site of the “Born Free” video. I’ve also been to numerous Kid Rock concerts, one of which being at Comerica Park in downtown Detroit where I spent the rest of my night after the concert listening to Kid Rock in a strip club while wearing a Matthew Stafford jersey over my sleeveless “You’ve Never Met A Motherfucker Quite Like Me” tank top. For whatever reason, the bouncers wouldn’t let me into the club without wearing sleeves, so I had to go to the next best thing.
9. Why is the celebrity your ULTIMATE idol?
Kid Rock appreciates Michigan as much as I appreciate Michigan. On an interview with Piers Morgan, he once said, “If you love a place, you have a duty to protect it.” And yeah, you can’t Google that quote, that’s just something I heard and couldn’t get out of my head. His affinity for The Great Lakes state and everything it represents is something that resonates with me.
Plus, when I’m hammered and my motor skills are at an all-time low, the only thing I want to do is drink Badass Beer and listen to the Live Trucker Album. If that’s not true love, I don’t know what is.
10. What do you like best about them?
What do I like most about the Early Morning Stoned Pimp of the Nation? The Detroit City Cowboy? The American Badass? Where do I even begin?
His wispy locks and facial hair defy all societal norms in the best way possible. But mainly, as a fan of country, soul, rock-n-roll, and hip-hop, he encompasses everything about music that most artists can only dream of. I mean, what other recording artist in the world can sing the line, “Fuck a bitch, fuck a bitch, fuck a bitch” like he does on “Midnight Train To Memphis”? Exactly. Only one person gets a pass to say shit like that, and his name is Robert James Ritchie.
11. How did you first hear about the celebrity?
My cousin and godfather came over for Sunday dinner and asked, “Have you seen that ‘Bawitdaba’ video by Kid Rock?” After that, nothing was the same and my ears yearned for him to scream “My name is Kiddddddddddd (Kid, baby), Kid Rock” at any given moment.
12. Please upload a pic, showcasing your memorabilia:
I don’t own memorabilia because I refuse to carry things around at his shows that aren’t tall boys of Badass or Labatt, but the following photo is from his concert in 2008 where I was wearing a hat that has to be blurred for the general public.
…and another photo from his concert the following year in 2009, where I wore a cutoff Matthew Stafford spray paint t-shirt underneath a Magglio Ordoñez jersey shirt, a move only a Kid Rock fan can pull off.
I mean, what more do you need to know? But I do actually own a Kid Rock basketball jersey as well as a cut-off shirt that reads, “You’ve Never Met A Motherfucker Quite Like Me” if that’s the type of thing you’re looking for.
12. Have you ever met them? If so, what would you do if you got the opportunity to do so? If not, what would you do to meet?
I’ve never met him, but it isn’t for a lack of trying. I’ve been close twice.
The first time I was almost graced with his presence, he was golfing at my home course. I took a grand total of one weekend off of golfing at that course over that particular summer, and it happened to be the weekend when The Kid was golfing with Chris Chelios. The second the clubhouse phoned me to let me know what was going down, I pretty much bar-hopped around the course until last call in hopes of seeing them tipping back some Stroh’s together post-round.
The second time was after the TFM Cruise when the Chillin’ The Most Cruise was deboarding at the same time as our cruise. Unfortunately, Mr. Rock had a show later that day in Houston, Texas so I assume he immediately boarded a flight. I almost offered to buy someone’s Chillin’ The Most Cruise shirt off of them in the airport, but I didn’t have any cash on me at the time.
19. Please include a recent personal photo of yourself:
20. Please feel free to recommend other great people for this project. Please include their name, relationship, phone and email.
I would wholeheartedly recommend my friends John, Paul, Pete, Todd, Brady, Teddy, Jeff, Dean, Stew, and Cody for this mission. I’ve been arm-in-arm with each and every one of them with tears streaming down my face while he sang “Times Like These” during a show in Northern Michigan, so we’re kind of a group package when it comes to Kid Rock. .
Image via YouTube
Respond
Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
@willdefries
@willdefries
defriewf
will@grandex.co
Things Guys Do After Graduation: Bawitdaba da bang a dang diggy diggy diggy said the boogy said up jump the boogy
So pumped for the unexpected rec.
I love Kristen Bell as much as the next guy, but where are they finding Kristen Bell “Superfans” at?
Their mom’s basements. Where they’re beating off to reruns of Veronica Mars.
Is it lonely up there on that high horse?
Sorta.
If they don’t choose you, they are wrong.
StaffNasty has been my keeper in fantasy for years. Brings my team’s vibes up, but I’ve gotten last place the last two seasons.
You deserve this….
First Name:
Chilliam
I always rock three fingers of Beam in this bad boy:
Cheers to you and your freedom to rock, Will.