The TGI Friday’s Private Car Live Blog

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3:57 — Alright, may have to tie things up here in a bit when the bell hits 5 o’clock on the east coast. Am I ruling out a live blog tomorrow from 9-12 in the morning when we’re on our way back from the #RoadToFridays? No, not at all. But I’m also not promising it. Either way, stay tuned and thanks for riding along. Stay tuned on all forms of social tonight for the entire Ribbon Cutting Ceremony at the Corpus Christi TGI Friday’s.

3:56 — “The 50-60 year old large black woman that works in my office named Paula is a lovely lady.” Sounds like we’ve got someone tossing out a “would” on his coworker, Paula.

3:54 — I have to say this — Not happy with myself that I decided to not live blog from the airport yesterday. Had some people that weren’t too happy with me for skipping that.

3:52 — Probably sound like a broken record, but having wifi issues again. You can only expect so much when you’re cruising down the highway so I don’t feel all that bad about it.

3:50 — “I have to say, I do not recall ever meeting a Paula that was ugly.” Only Paula I know is the one from The Real World.

3:49 — Paula is currently pitching us content ideas.

…did we just find our new Denis?

3:48 — Every time I cough or sneeze into my arm, I immediately default to dabbing because it’s all Dillon and I did in the Bahamas.

3:47 — Man, I hope there’s some comfortable chairs at this Friday’s, because the #RoadToFridays is a bumpy one. I still feel like I’m constantly moving back and forth after getting off the cruise.

3:45 — Just repositioned and made it 1,000% times more uncomfortable for myself. No idea why I volunteered to be in the way back.

3:43 — “You know there is a Margaritaville radio station right?” If you work for PGP and don’t know that there’s a Margaritaville station, you’re not going to last long.

3:42 — I’ve been told by Harrison that we have to get the “pie in the sky” for dessert tonight. Apparently they don’t make it anymore but we’re VIPs so that NEEDS to happen.

3:41 — Nevermind, here’s the new Madoff piece. Read that hot fire before the bandwagon gets full.

3:40 — Ugh, we’ve scrapped the music altogether now. What’s the opposite of turnt? Because that’s what this just turned into.

3:38 — “Got any podcast recommendations?” TFM Podcast, but no other recommendations. I listen to really girly stuff that I’d prefer to keep off the record.

3:37 — I think we need to start being concerned about arriving on time for the ribbon cutting. If they cut it without us, I’ll be gutted. Just devastated.

3:36 — “Are You, Dave, and Matt going to share a dessert tonight?” Honestly? Probably. Currently taking suggestions.

3:34 — We are struggling through trying to figure out this XM Radio so we can listen to something else besides Selena Gomez. I, personally, was vibing it. Not these guys though. Paula HATED it.

3:33 — We lost this part but Dave and Matt are jelly of the cruise so they’ve bullied me over the last week or so. I shaved my beard and Matt was really mean to me about it.

3:31 — Add dcarterruff, mattcisneros, and defriewf on Snapchat for behind the scenes stuff tonight. Can’t put everything on Instagram because overposters are the worst.

3:31 — Not sure what’s going on but I’m losing some of the posts. Gotta #grind through it.

3:25 — “You know you have to do a live blog from the actual event, right?” Nah, can’t happen. Too much #business going on for me to be tied to my lappie the entire time. When I’m live blogging, I’m anti-social. This is all about #networking and #closingdeals.

3:24 — Wifi situation looking up.

3:23 — We’re running a little behind schedule to get there on time which could really mess with our plans to get fresh to death before the event. I look tan though, and that’s really all that matters. #TSM

3:20 — Wifi issues taking over. I’ll do what I can to live blog through it.

3:16 — “Preferred road trip jams?” Big podcast guy when cruising. Have to. Otherwise I just make playlists that fit my vibes at the time.

3:15 — Our wifi is getting spotty which is concerning. Should be fine though.

3:11 — Matt has Kansas winning it all this March, Dave “hasn’t looked” but probably Baylor because his wife went there. I’ve got MSU going the distance over Kansas because I have a brain that I know how to use.

3:10 — Dave is talking legalities surrounding Uber in Austin. I feel like he’s intentionally trying to kill the vibes between this and his rain comment.

3:09 — I think my leg is asleep but can’t really tell because I can’t move the way I’m sitting. The flexibility part was always what screwed me in the fitness tests from middle school. I murdered the shuttle run though.

3:08 — We had a Mercedes bus pick us up for the cruise, from the cruise, and I Uber’d to work today because my car is in the shop. Going no-car is livin’ the life.

3:07 — Don’t look now but we’ve got some hot Madoff content coming your way. Dave’s got his finger hovering over the publish button just waiting for liftoff.

3:05 — I wore a tech polo today, thankfully. Otherwise I’d be sweating through my shirt right now. Always forget how worked up I get during these things.

3:04 — Paula isn’t a hot weather person, nervous about the heat this summer. I totally get that, because your boy handles heat like he handles hangovers. They just make me hate my life.

Also, Dave just dropped a, “Got some good rain last week. We needed it.” Be more generic, Dave.

3:04 — “Some friends and I went on the time honored tradition of the Family Friendly Bar Crawl this past weekend, this time consisting of Chili’s, Applebee’s, and TGI Friday’s. What’s your power ranking of family friendly restaurants to hit on the next outing?”

TGI Friday’s, then everything else is second place in my eyes.

3:03 — Why is Kanye tweeting about the homelessness rates in Utah rn?

3:02 — Paula just mentioned a restaurant that does $3 Margs and $3 Mimos. Can’t wait to go with her.

3:01 — “You guys going to start doing a regular podcast? The pre-cruise one was a lot of fun and seems like a good way to get out a good amount of off-the-cuff content.”

Yeah, that’s in the works. Currently looking for a sponsor in case anyone that might work for a restaurant that’s opening in Corpus tonight is reading this.

3:00 — “How close are live blogs to TGDAG columns in terms of total page hits? Does the constant refreshing help?” Both are similar, actually. Both cater to loyal PGP audiences and don’t go viral or anything. Both do well, but nothing insane.

2:59 — Last time I checked, Chili’s doesn’t have brunch, guys. #FridaysBrunchIsTheOnlyBrunchForMe

2:57 — Just had some peanut M&Ms. After the cruise, my body is just craving the sugar it’s not getting from all the Pina Coladas I drank. #DoubleChinMarch in full effect.

2:56 — Was just asked by Crash Davis if tonight could impact our allegiance to Chili’s. The answer? Of course it will. #RoadToFridays #EveryDayIsFridayAtFridays

2:55 — “You still owe us a “Partied with the villain from Lord of the Flies” column. Because you abandoned us that fateful day, I expect no less than a three part story.” Wow, that’s true. That might be better told by spoken word though.

2:53 — It’s insane how much #business is happening in this vehicle right now. Some people would toss their lappies in the trunk and jam the entire way. Me? Typed 2,000 words already. Matt? Sending emails like they’re going out of style. Dave? Hasn’t looked away from his screen.

2:52 — Paula just offered us some caramel nuts. What a saint.

2:51 — “As if we didn’t already get enough terrible advice from Dave, don’t encourage him.” Dave’s advice is the most sage advice at PGP, hands down.

2:50 — Paula just started a story with, “So I have this memory as a child…” My ears perked up so hard.

2:48 — Matt just rolled into the car and hit me with a 5-Hour Energy. Might save it.

2:47 — I want somethin’ smothered in BBQ sauce tonight.

2:45 — I’m alone in the car with no A/C and I think I might pass out. I feel like a neglected dog.

2:44 — “Why do I feel like Matt, Dave and Will are going to be in one hotel bed tonight watching The Mighty Ducks?” I think we have two rooms. My money would be on me going to bed before them, but yeah, probs with Mighty Ducks on.

2:44 — “Dave, how many law suits have you dealt with since coming over to Grandex? You should write a weekly column giving terrible legal advice” cc: Dave

2:43 — “Got any recs on joggers? Asking for a friend.” Lululemon. They’re wildly comfortable.

2:42 — Just had to pull over so Dave can go to the bathroom and so Matt can get a Gatorade. I’m not getting out of the car partly because 1. I can’t 2. Content doesn’t take bathroom breaks. #RoadToFridays

2:40 — Follow our PGP Instagram too.

And personal, because I might ‘Gram my face off tonight if we’re vibing.

Will / Dave / Matt

2:37 — “Shame on Rachel for not supporting the post-cruise drinking train. If you stop now the cumulative hangover will probably kill you” Trust me, none of us should drink for a few days after the cruise.

2:36 — Dave just sent the Mighty Ducks Player Ranking to me from the front seat and now all I want is for Paula do have a DVD player in here so we can watch Mighty Ducks.

2:35 — “Can you give us the CliffNotes version of how this ribbon cutting expedition came to be?”

Yeah, Dave wrote about their new brunch menu and we got in contact with them. Right before I left for the cruise, Matt gave me word that they wanted to bring us down and we loved the idea, so here we are.

2:34 — I’m going to do everything in my power to not let this car stop in hopes that Dave pees himself.

2:32 — I don’t understand how people road trip. I’ve been in this car for 1:15 and I’ve got cabin fever. Or maybe I just want to be at Friday’s really bad.

2:31 — “I’m beginning to think Intern Denis hijacked a plane and literally flew it too close to the sun.”

We’ll get an interview with him and let him tell the story himself. Wouldn’t be right of me to discuss his business.

2:30 — I’m not doing a MFK involving Dave, guys. That’s just weird.

2:29 — “When will Grandex tell us the story of what happened to Intern Denis? I’m sick of hearing he ‘flew too close to the sun'”

That’s what he did though.

2:28 — This is mindblowing. She apparently used to be Mick Jagger’s massage therapist too. Like, she does realize he’s pretty much a rock god, right? She’s so casual about this.

2:27 — “You don’t pick the bad boys. You pick the good boys and make ’em as bad as you want ’em.” – Quote of the day for Paula. That’s just some next level advice.

2:25 — We just did FMK with Kid Rock, Mick Jagger, and Dave with Paula. She killed Kid Rock without any care for my emotions, and she’d marry Mick Jagger for his money, and I think we know her other answer.

*wide-eyed emoji*

2:24 — “Any aquatic activities for your phone on the cruise?” Thankfully, no. Somehow no one damaged their phones on the cruise. I was the only person with wifi the entire time because I’m #blessed.

2:23 — Dave is complaining about having to pee. Like, dude, it’s a three hour tour.

2:22 — “Is anyone ever going to address where Caroline disappeared to?” I think she had some work stuff she was doing that took over her writing time. She’s great, she’ll be back.

2:21 — I just got shamed on gchat from Rachel (@yeah_okay_what) for even considering drinking after the cruise.

2:20 — Really hoping this Hilton has a pool. I didn’t get nearly aquatic enough on the cruise.

2:19 — “What did you guys blow your tax returns on this year?” Dave and Matt JUST filed, I blew mine on golf shirts and bills. Most PGP thing I’ve done since starting at PGP.

2:18 — “Just feel like Savanna and Denis would have great chemistry.” Of course they would. Everyone has good chemistry with Denis.

2:17 — Just so everyone knows, The Bachelor recap is coming today and it’ll be more fire than JoJo’s dress.

2:16 — I look so tan today. The execs at this thing are going to eat it up. Might pretend I was playing Augusta or something.

2:16 — Paula and Hooters Savanna are both invited.

2:15 — It’s shocking that a wifi hotspot works this well. Now that I know that, I’m live blogging from everywhere.

2:14 — “You boys getting a shout-out from the execs tonight? FREE PUB = SHOULD.” Need it. NEED them on our team.

2:12 — I had Jimmy John’s for lunch and it’s not sitting well. Piling that on top of the cruise buffet was just not smart. Thank God we get Friday’s tonight though. Heaven sent.

2:12 — “What was your inspiration for TGDAG? We know she’s out there.” It’s all around me. No one girl or anything.

2:10 — “Chill, are you going to let the money and the fame that comes along with tonight change you?” I’ll answer that with a Kid Rock lyric — “Same name, same game, ain’t a damn thing changed.”

2:10 — “If he gets elected, I’m seriously considering getting out. I know people in places.” — Paula

2:08 — Just to be clear, the best roadie is called a Gamechanger. You get the biggest Coke McDonald’s has to offer, drink it a third of the way down, and fill it with bourbon. Keeps your buzz going and energy high.

2:08 — Kayla is mad I said Screwdrivers are for alcoholics. I mean, I get her anger but come on. Vodka and OJ? Just nah.

2:07 — “We gonna have a cruise recap?” I wanna do a pod recap in addition to a typed one. Will come either late tomorrow or early Thursday. A lot to cover.

2:05 — I keep getting looks from Dave and Matt in the front seat while I sit Indian-style in the back with my laptop on my lap.

Paula hates Trump. Called him a maniacal super villain. Honestly, not that far off.

2:04 — “Some of these girls are defying the laws of nature with their boobs.” – Paula. Truth. Truth.

2:03 — “Love to hear some hot takes from Paula on the primaries.” I don’t talk politics with anyone. Not my style.

2:02 — “I have to imagine there are going to be tons of high rollers at this thing. Jacket and tie or business casual?” Business casual. Dave brought a jacket but I barely had the strength to pack after getting home from the cruise last night.

2:02 — “Gotta try the Jack Daniels sampler tonight – shrimp, chicken and ribs.” WOULD.

2:01 — From noted commenter Tim Riggins — “In Corpus on business. Sup?” Everyone knows that Friday’s is where business happens.

1:59 — I just tossed a link up top to download the app where it’s the easiest to read live blogs.

1:58 — Seriously, is anyone going to suggest food for me tonight at Friday’s?

1:57 — “I’m convinced Denis got taken out in some Xanax bar sting operation. God damn man trying to keep him down.”

Denis didn’t do Xannie bars, he was honest with us about that.

1:56 — “Your guys’ girlfriends know you guys like dudes or what?” Live blogs are our safe space, don’t come in here with slander.

1:55 — Paula’s favorite drink is a Twatini, apparently. It has Bombay in it and sounds kind of like a Cosmo. Clearly drinking one tonight when we arrive at Friday’s.

1:54 — My body is so dehydrated that I may cramp up.

1:53 — “Did Todd pull off his cruise ship plan on the Kid Rock cruise?” The Kid Rock cruise looked INSANE from what we saw, and that’s coming from a bunch of people that just did a cruise where there was EDM playing for 24 hours a day.

1:52 — “Who won cruise MVP?” Honestly, probably me.

1:52 — “Is Paula team marg or team mimosa?” I don’t even have to ask, you know it’s marg.

1:51 — “Denis would’ve been hilarious on this trip.” Of course he would’ve been. He’s the best.

1:50 — Paula comin’ in hot with the viagra jokes too. Also, Grandex’s own Kayla suggested we do screwdriver roadies even though I’m 90% sure only borderline alcoholics drink screwdrivers at this age.

1:49 — We’re takin’ toll roads because money isn’t an option until I wake up tomorrow.

1:48 — “What happened to intern dennis?” He flew to close to the sun, and it’s spelled “Denis” — have some respect.

1:47 — “She got a ring on that finger or what?” Twice divorced, can’t tame this wild cat.

1:47 — What type of roadies we getting? Currently taking suggestions.

1:45 — Dave is also going with the shades/laptop combo in the car which is a true #business move. I’ve got my brightness down to save battery. I learned too much about dead laptops during the Grammys live blog.

1:45 — Paula is starting a record label. The plot thickens.

1:44 — What type of TFMs should we pull in this car? Dave is really good at them.

1:43 — Matt is telling Paula about his dogs. I was liking it more when we had dick jokes flowing even though I love all dogs.

1:42 — “What do you mean a joke that can’t be told, have you seen the content on this page? Disappointed in you deFries..” I said I’d tell it later on Periscope.

“Paula on a scale of 1-10?” Personality? 10/10.

1:41 — I’ve spent the last four days either waiting in lines or cramped in close quarters on the cruise, so I’m used to being in this backseat.

Paula also just told her she drove Grumpy Cat last week. I mean, talk about A-List.

1:40 — She’s driven both Diana Ross and Mick Jagger, so it makes sense that she’d also drive us.

1:40 — “1. What’s Paula working with? 2. What’s on the menu for you folks at TGI-Fridays?”

1. No comment. 2. I’m open to suggestions for what to order tonight. There IS a champagne toast.

1:39 — “Windows up or down? I’m big on the down, but conversations are limited.” Up, A/C blasting.

1:38 — I’ve been told we’re going to get roadies in a few but I’m still monumentally hungover from the cruise even though I didn’t drink yesterday. #TuesdayScaries

1:37 — And Dave followed up with an even more inappropriate joke than her’s.

“You can’t offend me.” – Paula

1:36 — Nevermind, she just told us a killer joke that can’t be repeated online. I’ll tell it on Periscope later.

1:35 — Paula said she doesn’t have jokes but she’s good at shooting the shit. PERFECT.

1:34 — I’m currently in the back of the Yukon, with Big T-Shirt Matt and Dave in the middle seat with our driver Paula absolutely killing it in the front seat.

1:33 — The President and/or CEO (I need to do more research on tonight) is going to be there tonight for the ribbon cutting, so obviously business will be done.

1:32 — I’ve never been to Corpus but I’ve heard there’s a damn Selena statue which I’m PSYCHED to see.

1:31 — Is it hard to relentlessly type in a bumpy car on a wifi hotspot from our driver Paula? Yes, yes it is. But I’m a champion and content doesn’t take car rides off, only weekend EDM cruises.

1:30 — And we’re off. .

18

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Will

Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.

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