The Casual Thursday Whole Foods Live Blog

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5:22: A Merry Thursday to all, and to all a goodnight. This is Will deFries, signing off.

5:21: I’m going to take my pee break as the straw that breaks the camels back. Not trying to rush things. Just trying to go to the bathroom without any boundaries.

5:21: “I think a PGP fan-attended live blog could be out of control. Hopefully that doesn’t sound as creepy as Jim Harbaugh sleeping in a 17 year old’s room.” PGPCon. Done and done.

5:20: Okay, we need to wrap things up. Laptop? Dying. Brain? Failing. Night? Ain’t getting any younger.

5:18: Dave’s deep-v is getting to me. He’s so #WholeFoods.

5:17: Hey Caroline Gould, Jimmy Eat World just came on here. Just goes to show that Whole Foods Market Radio is the best station in the history of grocery store radio stations.

5:16: Laptop is low battery. Unfortunate? Yeah. Blessing in disguise? Maybe.

5:15: Dude just rolled to the bar with a full rotisserie chicken. Unreal move. Matt also just pitched doing “shots of soup” in case you were wondering what we’re working with in terms of shots.

5:13: “Did you say I showed up?” – Big T-Shirt Matt, who is also known one-liner contributor Billy Lumbergh.

5:12: Just lost internet because I hadn’t renewed after my second 2-hour shift here. I feel like I’ve been here for days, not just a few hours.

5:05: This place is popping. I may never leave.

5:04: “Is a round of credit card roulette in the plans. Bring in as many randoms as possible.” Fuckkkk no. I hate playing that, I don’t like living that hard.

5:03: Okay, going in for another beer. Saison? Of course. It was delectable the first time around.

5:02: Dude, I’m in.

Watched rivalry weekend college football in November at the Nordstrom Gentleman’s bar in Chicago while the lady shopped downstairs. That may be the ultimate place for a live blog. Holy yuppies

5:01: Dave is showing people his Vine account. What is happening.

5:00: Fine, Kayla, you can come.

Kayla: if you dare go to nordstrom bistro without me i will kill you

4:59: Just finished my beer. Need more. Well, maybe not “need” more. But I would enjoy more. Fuck. Sorry, mom.

4:58: Some inside info — more people have read the Whole Foods Live Blog than the Golden Globes, which is remarkable considering there’s no “real” event happening here.

4:57: Matt just entered the scene. He wore an appropriately sized shirt, which was clearly a product of me calling him out last week.

4:55: “A live blog from the Nordies bar needs to happen soon, Will” Nordstrom Bistro Live Blog will happen. Know that.

4:54: Okay, with this many people, there have to be some opportunities for content. We’ve got a long table with three dudes sitting at it. Too much real estate to go unused.

4:54: “Is PGP here?” – Someone here, probably

4:52: More people than seats. #LiveBlogEffect

4:51: When we live blogged from Hooters, the guy from Lord Of The Flies almost killed us. When we came to Whole Foods, the place blew up. Coincidence? I think not.

4:51: “I don’t think I’ve ever seen it this packed in here.” – Girl that just walked in. Am I taking credit? Of course I am.

4:50: Stew is casually reading a magazine. Doubt he’s even reading it. He’s probably just trying to look cultured for the broads testing soup behind us.

4:49: Dudes on laptops, old women catching up, coworkers team building. It’s all so beautiful.

4:48: There are so many people at this bar right now. It’s legitimately overwhelming and distracting. It’s a better scene here than most bars pre-five o’clock in Austin.

4:45: “Style Of Whole Foods” would take off. DIBS.

4:44: The style at Whole Foods could have its own Instagram account.

4:42: There is something a BREWIN’ over here. Birthday party? Maybe. Work function? Probably. Opportunity to chill? Definitely.

4:42: Dude got Bronner’s toothpaste. What a white dude.

4:40: Sidenote: if you have any gripes with the live blog format, either comment or email me at will@grandex.co and I’ll try to get them ironed out. I know it’s not a flawless process but we’ve gotta work with what we have right now.

4:40: Stew just pounded his Cabernet and went to go find toothpaste. Kid is so business/pleasure that it’s insane.

4:38: “Showing off the taco meat under the Patagonia.” Love it.

4:38: Exactly, Whitney.

4:37: “Do they have Apple Pay here?” – Stew. Bro, it’s Whole Foods. They’re not poor. Of course they have it.

4:36: “I don’t know what I’d do without kombucha.” – Stew. We are in the perfect place for Stew right now.

4:35: Over/Under on how many of these beers I have? 2.5. Low number, but they’re strong and filling. Might be doing the whiskey/salad diet for dinner tonight.

4:33: “Send us a snap of the back bar so we can see what you guys are working with/evaluate the Whole Foods scene. I’m looking for somewhere to spend MLK day.” I’m too in the zone to be doing your dirty work, man.

4:32: “will table consensus, best month for seasonal beers? gotta imagine it’s one of the transitional months” I don’t know what that means, but I generally like wheaty winter beers vs. lighter summer beers. At least when it comes to relaxing. If I’m trying to go wild? Gimme all the Miller Lites.

4:31: “How is the HH vibe flowing compared to the mid-day crowd?” Older, way more chill. Honestly? Probably more my scene.

4:30: “It’s kind of a bad boy move to go no shirt under your Patagonia.” – Dave or Stew, not saying which one.

4:29: Ponytail dude is back. He is an absolute BEAST. He’s the widest person Dave has ever seen. He’s probably disgusted with how we’re just sitting at the bar drinking beer. He hasn’t had a carb since ’98.

4:27: Dave clearly has an agenda to head out after 6 tonight and go home. Me? Nah. I’m eating well and living good until work tomorrow.

4:26: Stew has a money view of the yogurt section, which is great for him because he’s single and hot chicks love probiotics.

4:25: “Just one time, I wish someone that represented craft brews wouldn’t have facial hair.” — Dave. He said that to me, who currently has a full beard.

4:24: Just eclipsed the 4,500 word mark. Not all heroes wear capes.

4:23: Group of four 60+ women next to us. Shooters shoot, and Stew’s here. So let’s roll the dice and have some fun.

4:23: People helping people.

4:21: Saisons were actually originally brewed in France for farm workers. You learn something new everyday.

4:19: Stew just looked at a 45-year-old woman and said, “That’s a divorcee hat if I’ve ever seen one.” Looks like we’ve got a new Sandals in the building.

4:18: “I’ve never spent less than $100 here.” — Dave. Humblebrag much, bro?

4:17: “They should have Keno here.” — Stew. Not sure that’s the crowd they’re looking for. This isn’t Manitowoc County.

4:17: Wow, what a beer. Dry, but not too dry, with a citrusy aftertaste. A classic Saison in all of its glory.

4:16: Going to try my beer. Updates to follow on the tasting notes.

4:15: Stew just ordered a Cabernet, Dave has zero clue what beer he ordered. Dude is mentally stirred.

4:14: Dave just tried making conversation with a longhaired dude at the bar, got completely ignored. I fear we’re outsiders here, which is frightening.

4:12: “Wishing I wasn’t such a plebeian and didn’t have to read this from my cube but instead watch it in person.” How bad do you really want to be sitting with a dude on his laptop in a grocery store though?

4:11: “If Dave lives in Austin, why is he so torn up about the last Dallas Chili’s closing?” He grew up in Dallas, man. Have you no heart?

Kid Rock once said, “If you love a place, you have a responsibility to protect it.” That’s how Dave feels about Chilis.

4:10: “What is the last book you read?” To Have And Have Not by Hemingway

4:09: “4 pm. Have you started playing ‘mom or babysitter’?” Oh my God. Why did we not start this sooner?

4:09: “Can I leave my car here? I’m thinking about leaving the whip and hitting the sauce hard.” – Stew, love this addition

4:08: Went with a beer called “The Flowers Are Sleeping.” It’s a saison from Seattle. I hate me too.

4:05: Going in. Wish me luck. Ordering the craftiest craft brew you’ve ever SEEN.

4:04: I legit don’t know how to order at this bar and I’m worried about getting yelled at by some regulars.

4:03: We’re three for three on Patagonia tops here. We need Big T-Shirt Matt to wear one as well to complete the quadfecta.

4:02: Officially at the other bar. Not only have we gained a new perspective, but we’ve gained a new member — Stew.

3:58: Also, don’t forget to get the app and follow along on your commute. Quitters don’t quit.

3:57: Just cashed out. Probably the best $10.83 I’ve ever spent.

3:56: Stay tuned. Making the switch. To the East Cost 9 to 5ers, it’s been fun. Real fun. To everyone else, lets buckle down and drink some beers.

3:55: The salad bar scene is picking up again. 4 o’clock may be happy hour, so Sandals is probably in play for a rebound or at least a round 2.

3:54: If I go Beer Train, things could get real fun real quick for anyone involved. The back bar seems like a “friends making” situation where as the Trattoria feels like a place to be seen.

3:53: Will there be a slight lull in the action? Yeah. But sometimes you need to reposition in order to succeed.

3:52: “Looks like a great mix of liberal arts professors and beer snobs.”

SIGN ME UP.

3:51: Dave is back. Can’t wait for his report.

3:50: Live blogging is a sport. I’m exhausted but I’m also in that part of the marathon where you don’t even realize you’re running anymore and your legs do all the work. I’ve never run a marathon, but I trained for a half-marathon once and know that that’s a thing.

3:50: Dave is doing a fly-by to the back bar to see what kind of beers they’re working with. I’m staying here and holding our positioning.

3:49: Am I going to wear joggers to work tomorrow because I only got to have them on for a few hours today? Of course.

3:48: I’ve been here for three hours and feel 1/8th as drunk as I did after spending an hour in the Chicago Chilis. Insane how much airports get you both fiscally and when it comes to your well-being.

3:47: Fuck it. Going to the bar to get a glass of Cabernet, which did indeed win the Twitter poll.

3:46: Okay, no wine was here when I got back and Dave was #DoingBusiness on his phone. Need to find our waitress STAT. Been an uphill battle all day, I’m almost confused as to how this Trattoria works.

3:45: “What are the chances of you and fellow Grandex writer JTrain doing a joint PGP/TFM podcast?” Would love to do it.

3:44: I wish there was a full bar here so we could start doing shots like at the Chili’s Airport Live Blog, but that’s just the way the cookie crumbles. Can’t beat myself up over it.

3:42: Also, we’re running at 39% battery. The closer we start flying to the sun, the more I want to be here forever. Life is a fickle bitch.

3:41: If I come back and Dave hasn’t ordered me a glass of Cabernet, I may just quit.

3:40: Bathroom break pending. Your boy has been just digging deep to avoid it but life hits you fast.

3:39: “His outfit is even better than I imagined.” Sandals “gets” it. Everyone knows that.

3:38: Honestly? I’m scared for when 4 o’clock hits and people start heading home on the east coast. It’s my least favorite part of the day.

3:38: I think Sandals is officially gone. He either left defeated, or he low-key snagged a mid-30s dime and his having the afternoon of a lifetime.

3:37: I think our move is going to the wine bar at 4. Any takers? Cool.

3:36: I don’t even know what RealFood is but I like that there’s an entire section dedicated to it.

3:35: Okay, the polls are about to close on what I order next. It’s currently 50/50 Cabernet/Bordeaux. Exhilarating stuff, guys.

3:34: If I had a podcast, I’d host it here. Seems like the most natural location for it. Both for me to thrive creatively and for my readers.

3:34: Find one other blogger out there who loops cage-free chicken eggs in with Kid Rock lyrics. You can’t.

3:33: “Was once at the eggs section of a Whole Foods in Chicago and a guy says, “Cage free eggs, isn’t that just awesome”. Wanted to politely tell him I didn’t give a single fuck about where the eggs came from but pulled a TGDAG and left my cart right then and there instead. Not sorry.” But real talk, that IS kind of awesome, no? I mean, those chickens weren’t in cages, man.

“Born free.” – Kid Rock

3:31: “Thank you sweet baby Jesus, I finally made it to a live-blog when it was still live!
Will, I have to know, what kind of sandals are we talking here? Those choco things or whatever with all the straps or are we going full birkenstocks?”

These are beyond next level. Like birkenstocks with large straps/pieces of leather laid over them. He’s wearing quilted joggers, much in the same fashion as the special edition Patagonia cotton Snap-T. Yeah, that might be a niche reference for people, but it’s all I have.

3:31: Want your mind blown? I don’t even shop here regularly. I’m more of a Central Market guy, but that’s just because I live in Texas. Same vibe, different location.

3:30: Hip girl just passed again going the other way. I respect her looking for that spotlight.

3:29: Oh, duh, it’s Ryan Adams. I’ve written a news story about his cover. #SoMuchContent #SoLittleMemory

3:29: Really hip girl just took a long look at my laptop as she passed by. I bet she trips soon and hopes that I mention it.

3:29: Just to be clear, Sandals is probably 28-32. He’s in the range of what he’s trying to land.

3:28: Acoustic cover of ‘Bad Blood’? Don’t mind if I do.

3:27: If they did an open mic here with mid-day slam poetry, I’d probably chill here every Thursday.

3:25: I might do a frat lap and see if Sandals is still in the vicinity, because there’s no shortage of girls if that’s what he’s looking for. Or guys, for that matter. We’re not here to judge.

3:24: “I kind of had the idea that with that ponytail, that’s what he was doing, but.” — Dave regarding Sandals

3:22: We lost Sandals. This sucks. I want him to be what we wanted him to be.

3:22: Important decisions need to be made.

3:20: Oh, wow, this is called Whole Foods Market Radio. Need to know where I can listen to this full-time.

3:20: No comments in like 30 minutes but traffic is going up. I’m scared I offended someone and everyone is laughing from afar.

3:19: Just turned down the brightness on my laptop to conserve battery life. Everyone knows that having full brightness is the bougiest thing you can do when unplugged, but it’s just something I had to do.

3:17: Looking for an aux cord here to see if I can pop on Sunday Night Kill Myself. Seems like a great playlist for the Trattoria.

3:16: I’m about to just get a cart, put my laptop in it, and follow Sandals around.

3:14: Kayla getting sassy. She acts like she brings us brownies and stuff to work.

3:13: Sandals has made at least 3 laps.

3:12: There’s a sign in here that says, “No Hydrogenated Oils? That’s How We Roll” with a bike on it. Remarkable.

3:11: Dave is also tracking Sandals and we believe he is truly the Whole Foods Pick-Up Artist. I need this to be his thing.

3:10: “Wild Thing” on the stereo, Cab in the glass. Is this heaven? No, it’s Whole Foods.

3:09: Just had to renew my 2-hour wifi subscription here.

3:08: Weird Sandal Dude is just rolling around still. Like he disappeared for a good 20 and just came back. Is he the Whole Foods Pick-Up Artist we’ve been looking for?

3:07: “Whole Foods would be pretty gross if they dropped the ‘w’ from their name.” — Unnamed Grandex Employee

3:05: You gotta think I parlay this live blog into a money meal tonight before heading home and sleeping like a baby. That’s what Big T-Shirt Matt is for. Dude is a full blown foodie.

3:04: The salad bar scene here is better than any bar I’ve ever seen. If you’re single and dropping a ton of money at bars, you’re an IDIOT. I might do a docuseries on this starring Crash and Johnny D.

3:03: Just switched seats and feel phenomenally better. My people-watching view is scarily better.

3:00: She just stood up. Her glass of wine is empty. You have to think this is it for us and the live blog. We may need to move to the wine bar in the back.

2:59: She just laughed at her phone. I swear to God, if she’s Tindering and meets someone here, I will buy them everything. Or maybe she’s just working some personal shit out with her ex. Who knows?

2:58: Oh, and earthy. Definitely earthy.

2:57: “If you were a wine how would you describe yourself?” Oaky with a bold, full-bodied taste and a dry finish.

2:56: May send a glass of Cava her way. Toasty, crisp, dry. Kind of like the weather outside on this Austin winter day. (It’s 69 degrees out).

2:56: We need a strategy to talk to her and see what her day-to-day is.

2:55: You have to wonder what (or who) she’s waiting for. If I were a single 50-year-old? Yeah, I’d take a shot in the dark and chat with her. But that’s not who I am, so I may never know her story.

2:54: Okay, there’s a single woman sitting at the table next to us. She’s in full workout gear, drinking a glass of wine, texting. Short hair, bag on the chair across from her which signals she has ZERO intention of someone sitting there.

2:53: “Is Will deFries the most envied #postgrad in America?” Overstatement of the century.

2:53: I could chill here all day, every day. I love it. Can’t explain why, but it’s just nice being in the thick of it.

2:51: Some dude with long hair and a ponytail wearing a tie-dye shirt with a yellow sweatsuit is at the salad bar right now. Never felt so inadequate in my clothing decisions, well, probably ever. He’s dominating.

2:50: There’s a mom with her kid straight vibing this RJD2 session here. Bobbing her head, eating a salad, living that life.

2:49: Who is going to be the person who starts the Kickstarter for me to go to the Atlanta Brunch Festival? I’ve already been offered cheap hotel #kingsize so all we need now are flights. Anyone own a PJ I can hop on for the weekend? I’ll Venmo you like $10.

2:48: Did they just got John Mayer directly into RJD2? So chill.

2:47: The chairs here suck. The most athletic thing I’ll do in 2016 is sit here upright in this wooden excuse for a chair.

2:46: “Are we headed south in the Americas towards a nice malbec next? Like a cab, but more culture.” So Hemingway.

2:46: “You gotta live blog Chili’s next week so Dave can properly mourn his recent loss.” RIP Dave’s Favorite Chilis.

2:45: Man, way to ratchet up the vibe in here, Whole Foods. Huge move.

2:45: JOHN MAYER ALERT. WAITING ON THE WORLD TO CHANGE. #PROMISELAND

2:44: Not sure what this whole bright-patterned yoga pants trend is all about, but I want to know what the male equivalent is. Like these girls look cool and I’m sitting here in a nerdy Patagonia pullover.

2:42: Dave just came back with a green drink called “Energize Me” — lemon, parsley, celery, spinach, kale, cucumber. Wow. Be more basic, Dave.

2:41: “What is the best Alan Rickman movie you’ve ever seen?” Love Actually. Are you kidding me?

2:40: Woman just rolled in and almost took down an entire display. She looked at me and made an “oops” face. Like, can you try ANY harder to get on the live blog? Just do desperate.

2:39: Weird Sandal Dude next to me just left. I wanted to ask him, “Bro, what are you doing here on a Thursday afternoon drinking wine?” but then I got scared he’d ask me the same damn thing.

2:38: Most out of shape dude here by a longshot. And I wouldn’t even say I’m THAT out of shape. This place just breads hot people.

2:37: Dave is heading to the Juice Bar. Talk about a wild man, am I right?

2:36: We need to brainstorm other Live Blog ideas.

2:35: The Trattoria is clearing out. That’s fine though. If you stay somewhere long enough and put out the vibe, good things will come. I really want to Periscope but I don’t want to be the dude Periscoping from Whole Foods. Instead I’m just the guy on his laptop at Whole Foods. Fuck.

2:34: Dammit, Will. Sound like a bigger softy.

2:34: Our table is wobbly AF and I’m scared about spilling red wine on my chinos.

2:31: So far, the Bordeaux beats the Cabernet. Stay tuned though. I’ve got at least two glasses in me before we head straight to the back bar.

2:31: Hot Take Column about to get served up about checking in at airports. Dave’s editing game is on 100 today.

2:30: I low-key think our waitress here is better looking than Savanna at Hooters. Whole Foods definitely puts out a vibe where you probably have to have some type of x-factor to work there. I’d apply, but I’m not ready for that type of denial.

2:29: Consider it done, Caroline.

2:28: NOW WE DRINKIN’ GLASSES OF CABERNET FRANC. Heavy pour too. Love it.

2:26: “What are your top cheese plate cheeses ranked? You seem like a simple but elegant brie guy.” I like creamy cheeses, but I’m more of a meat connoisseur. Your salamis, your prosciuttos. You know what I mean.

2:26: That being said, we’re about to gain Stew, the dude who jogged to Hooters for the other live blog.

2:25: Kind of shocked no Austin readers have come out to any of these yet.

2:24: Dave asked for a box for his pasta. I’m both worried that he’s going to leave me and excited about the possibility of him leaving me to fend for myself in this jungle.

2:23: At this point, I’m worried our waitress is straight up ignoring us.

2:23: I just got entranced by Smashing Pumpkins on the stereo here. I’m shocked by whatever they’re playing. So eclectic, so right.

2:21: “Regarding those of us still working the bar scene for a cuffing partner. What’s your advice on getting out of the “where do you work? How long have you lived in the city?” Boring conversations at the bar?

Do you go full Crazy.Stupid.Love. Ryan Gosling “that’s boring, interest me”? Or are those lines exclusive for someone who looks like Ryan Gosling?”

You just gotta go with what works for you, man. Me? I’m a ‘favorite’ guy — “What’s your favorite movie? What’s your favorite band? Animal? Food?” Then you can debate, confirm, deny, whatever. It always works.

2:20: Via Big Shirt Matt on Gchat: “I’ve never wanted to be at whole foods more. You’re such a fat bitch. I hate you.”

2:19: Johnny D, we need you here, bro.

2:18: “I feel like crap after that glass of white wine.” — Dave

2:16: Dave ate a solid 1/4 of his pasta. Barely made a dent. He also just expressed that he “needs a water” which is not the vibe I was looking for. Might throw up two fingers and ask our waitress for two glasses from afar just to skip the middle-man process of waiting for her to come over only to have Dave ask for a damn water.

2:15: That being said, not sleeping on our waitress just yet.

2:15: At Hooters, Savanna told us her whole story. Here, I can barely track down my waitress. Real people hang out at real places, man.

2:14: “Will, get the cheese plate. You only live-blog Whole Foods once. Unless this becomes a weekly thing and yeah it probably should actually.”

YOLBWFO.

2:13: “Live country club blog would be killer, but the cigars and beer will eventually take over.” I can’t be the asshole on his lappy in the country club. Not a good look.

2:12: Just peed next to a dude that had a shirt on that read, “Bigger The Hurt, Bigger The Shirt”.

2:10: My 5-minute schedule — go to the bathroom, get the glass of Cabernet Franc.

2:09: “I know nothing about wine. PGP?” No way. You’re fine. I know nothing but just having key verbiage down buys you all the credibility in the world.

2:08: I’m full from this pizza but I want a cheese plate. Nay, I need a cheese plate.

2:07: “Is lunch at whole foods with wine even the most basic thing you’ve done just today?” I wore joggers and Nike Rosche Runs to work today, so no, Whole Foods lunch is not the most basic thing I’ve done today.

2:06: The Hooters Live Blog was huge, but Whole Foods just might take the cake for people watching. It’s truly remarkable what type of person this place caters itself to.

2:04: The salad bar is directly to my back and I need to get a better vantage point because it’s People Watching City.

2:03: Bob Marley just came on. “Could There Be Love”, which is just a phenomenal choice. I need to find the DJ booth here.

2:01: I want another glass of the Bordeaux, but I feel like I’m robbing myself if I do that because variety is the spice of life. I’m going to go with the Eric Chevalier Cabernet Franc. It has bright red fruits, with some mineral, and also hails from our ally France.

2:00: I just cased the joint for an outlet for my lappy. No dice. We’re all in on my MacBook Air battery today.

1:59: Dave just went to the bathroom. So now I’m officially the guy sitting alone at the Whole Foods Trattoria drinking wine at 2 o’clock on a Thursday. This is what dreams are made of.

1:57: Our waitress is back. She’s wearing a beret and has bangs, so we’re sooooo Zooey Deschanel right now. Love it.

1:56: The girls next to us left, so now we’ve got a couple here just hanging out and splitting a pasta plate, and another dude in some VERY skeptical sandals on the other side.

1:55: “No shots 🙁 well then how much would it take on venmo for you to get two bottles and live the #ImDrunkAndShirtlessAtWholeFoodsLife

Or should I just start chanting Boosh’s name?”

Both work.

1:54: First glass of Bordeaux? It’s gone. See ya. Au revoir.

1:51: From noted PGP Contributor Crash Davis: “At some point I’m going to have make the drive to Austin for a deFries live blog. Even if it’s just to be the single Lone Wolf for an afternoon.” The fact that he hasn’t made his way to chill for one is ludicrous.

Fun fact: Crash and I attempted to hang out for a UT game over Thanksgiving and were at the same bar at the same time. Problem? Neither of us knew we were at the same bar. Just two stallions running free in the same field.

1:50: Beard chef’s name is Michael. The girl next to us clearly knew it because he did NOT say it.

1:49: Just went in on a piece of pizza. No clue what’s in it. Dave just handed it to me and I started eating. It’s all white except for the steak on it.

1:48: The soundtrack here is fire.

1:47: “Pro tip, grab a bottle of wine or three from the bar and head up to the rooftop deck. It’s legal and even encouraged. Drink, enjoy the sun, post with maybe a better signal” I’m not trying to die today. If you put me on a roof with a bottle of white, I’ll be shirtless and hammered in no time.

1:45: “Will, the live blogs are fantastic but what happened to the weekly Challenge: Bloodline recap articles?” I’m still watching but the holidays were always going to fuck me. I was in Mexico where they weren’t playing it, so my battle was beyond uphill.

Humblebrag: I was in Mexico for Christmas.

1:45: Matt is meeting us here later. I wonder if he’ll be wearing an oversized shirt like last Friday.

1:44: They just tossed on Van Morrison — “Moondance”. It’s like they’re asking for me to stay here forever.

1:43: “@WilldeFries how much money on @venmo would it take for you and @dcarterruff to start ripping shots and going on a @WholeFoods bender?” Shibby, I don’t think there’s anywhere here to do shots. Which I’m thankful for.

1:42: It’s insane how much business Dave’s friend joining us is about to do. He gave our table so much credibility from a fiscal standpoint. He just got up to go to the bathroom and we just look like a couple scrubs.

1:42: “Is today the day you finally get an Austin celebrity to come join the live blog? And who will it be?” I’m hoping either McConaughey or Charlie Strong. If it’s Charlie, I’m going to beat him up because I’m the biggest Texas football fan in Texas. #HookEm

1:41: “If we send you money will you chug a glass of wine in the waitress’s face as soon as she brings it to you?” Fuck no. I’m not a scum bag. I’m a yuppie.

1:41: “I recently caught myself doing the jerk off motion in front of a female colleague as we were discussing a shitty co worker. What’s the most cavalier sign to pull in an office setting?” Anywhere. Are you a young professional? Boom. You can do it ANYWHERE.

1:40: “How many wheatgrass shots do you think you could take back to back?” Endless. I think I’d eventually poop my pants, but that’s better than puking. Maybe? Eh, I don’t know.

1:39: They don’t have televisions here, but if they did, I don’t even know what we’d watch.

1:38: If anyone is single and in Austin, we need you here. We need a lone wolf so badly right now. I’d call someone at the office, but I think everyone is locked down.

1:37: The cook is currently our waiter, and he replaced our cute waitress. Maybe she got scared of being internet famous and ran away. He’s also wearing a beard net, so the downgrade is steeper than you could even imagine.

1:35: So just to give you a little glance into what we’re about to do today — we’re starting at the Trattoria. After lunch and things die down, we’ll head to the wine bar in the back.

1:34: Dave’s plate of pasta is HUGE. I’d upload photos, but the wifi at Whole Foods sucks. Who would’ve thought? I’ll snap story it, so add @defriewf on Snapchat.

1:32: “Will, tell me about the talent.” It’s bustling.

1:31: “Did you grab a sandwich, a slice of pizza, or one of their killer pre-made quesadillas, or is this liquid lunch Thursday?” We currently have a pizza, Dave got some pasta, and his buddy also got some pasta. I haven’t ordered yet because #ContentDoesntTakeLunchBreaks.

1:30: “Do you even know what farm to table means?” Get the fuck out of my face. You want to see a guy who knows a thing or two about farm to table? Look no further.

1:29: My biggest stress right now? Food. The cheese plate / pizza / make your own pasta is alluring, but I’m not sure what I want to go all in on.

1:27: Dave went with a glass of Prophecy, which is a Sauvy B described as “zippy.” With grapefruit and mineral, it hails from New Zealand. At $5 a glass, can you go wrong?

1:26: The scene here is phenomenal for a Thursday. We’ve got a two-top next to us. One girl in business casual, the other in athleisure clothing, because that’s what people wear to Whole Foods on a Thursday afternoon.

1:25: “How many GMOs does it take to kill a hipster Will?” I’m pro-GMO.

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” – Kelly Clarkson

1:23: If you’re keeping track at home, I’m leading with the Lagarde Bordeaux. It’s a full-bodied red with hints of blackberries, vanilla, and mushrooms. A product of France, which obviously is known for their Bordeauxs.

1:21: Dave is currently making me social his column which is why this is off to a slow start. Blame him.

1:17: And we’re live. .

32

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Will

Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.

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