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Work is terrible. We come. We work. We die. It’s all part of the archaic standards passed down to us by the generations who instituted these outrageous societal norms.
At work, you have to find small positives in the little things. For me, it is was ping pong. But that phase of my life has come and gone. Now, I spend ten minutes of every hour trying all the snacks we have in the break room.
I’ve decided to break down the best office snacks available on the market.
7. Cereal
I am a lover of sugary cereal. My favorite kind of cereal? Cap’n Crunch Crunch Berries or Fruity Pebbles.
Only problem with committing to cereal is that it is a labor-intensive snack. You have to pour the cereal, pour the milk… I guess that’s it, but it still feels like a daunting task every time I commit to making a bowl.
The other problem is the clean up. We don’t have a disposal, so where can I pour out the soggy cereal I don’t want to eat? I have an issue with throwing away liquid into the garbage can — only douchebags do that. Instead, I have to make a barrier with my spoon and pour the milk out without letting any of the cereal remnants fall into the drain. It’s about a five minute process and not always worth it.
Respond
You have breakroom snacks? Uppidy bastards.
Dip those Rold Golds in some creamy peanut butter
Or just buy the peanut butter filled pretzel bite things.
I’m with you on this…easily my favorite break room snack.
7 pages for 8 paragraphs, CashBack? I’m not mad… I’m just disappointed.
Instead of dipping them in mustard, just get the mustard pretzels. Much better in my book.
Gardetto’s mustard pretzels are God’s gift
Beer.
HR: “CashBack, we’ve been getting reports that you’re spending time in the breakroom pulling out snacks and taking pictures of them. Please consider this email as your first warning that we do not tolerate the photography of company property by an employee while they’re on the clock.
Sincerely,
ABC Company”
Snacks? We don’t even get decent coffee.
It’s implied that the mere fact that the company provides warm dirt water for free is a “perk,” and that we should be grateful because the competitor only offers their employee cold dirt water.
I really want some bagel bites now.
Love how you TFMed us and didn’t put it all on one fucking pag . You are Steve Holt aren’t you? I used to think Kendra was Steve.
I quit when you mentioned scooping crushed, liquefied Goldfish from your cheeks. You bastard. You should be ashamed of yourself.