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There are a million different reasons as to why a girl isn’t texting you back. She might be busy, she might be playing the “make him wait” game, or she might be mad at you for something you didn’t even know happened. It’s probably that one. If she hasn’t texted you back for a few hours, just go a head and send an apology. You know, just in case.
However, even though guys are the less complicated of the sexes (she may also be ignoring your texts if you called her “complicated” — don’t do that), there are many reasons why we too haven’t responded to a girl’s text. Here are some real possibilities.
1. He is playing video games and texting you takes a backseat to killing digital terrorists.
2. His phone is still in the pocket of his slacks, which is on the floor where he left it when he got home from work.
3. He ignored it, assuming it was one of his friends sending him an unfunny meme that’s six weeks old.
4. He is trying to decode what the hell his fantasy football quarterback’s “questionable” status means.
5. But really he’s trying to analyze a week-old tweet from said quarterback for clues on whether he’ll play this week like he’s Nicholas Cage in National Treasure.
6. He is getting absolutely roasted in the group chat with his friends and has turned his phone on silent to recover emotionally.
7. He is watching the baseball game.
8. Or any sport really.
9. He was trying to play you at your own waiting game, and then legitimately forgot to reply.
10. His hands are covered in BBQ sauce and he doesn’t want to have a snarky Apple employee explain to him that sauce related damages are not included in his warranty.
11. Again.
12. He’s jerking off.
13. He just finished jerking off and thus has no desire for contact with the opposite sex.
14. He’s 72 weeks deep in your hot friend’s Instagram and much like a bomb technician, can’t afford any distractions.
15. He accidentally liked your hot friend’s Instagram picture from 72 weeks ago and is now debating faking his death to avoid the fallout that’s going to occur.
16. He is too drunk to text back.
17. Or depending on your relationship, too sober to text back.
18. It’s freezing and his hands aren’t leaving our pockets for anything less than a text from Scarlett Johansen saying she needs a shower buddy.
19. He is daydreaming about Scarlett Johansen in the shower and didn’t notice his phone go off. Imagination is a powerful thing.
20. One of his pretentious friends enacted a technology ban on brunch and he can’t seem weak despite getting very real FOMO from the unchecked vibrates in his pocket.
21. He knows if he check his phone it could be someone inviting him to happy hour and he don’t have the money to say yes or the willpower to say no.
22. He’s on the train and the motion to grab his phone has a 70% chance of accidentally brushing a fellow passenger’s junk.
23. His phone is at 1% and he’s using the last of his battery to Snapchat a video of his drunk friend that no one will find funny.
24. He’s deep in a perfect golf nap, and even his phone vibrating on his chest isn’t going to wake him.
25. The season finale of his favorite show is recording and he’s placed himself on a technology time out to avoid spoilers.
26. He left his phone in an Uber last night and is attempting to track it down via his emailed receipt.
27. He left his phone in a taxi last night and is dealing with the harsh reality that he’ll never get it back.
28. Because who remembers what company the cab you hail at 3 a.m. is from.
29. That phone could easily be in a random stranger’s green Prius that he hailed down thinking it was a cab.
30. He just watched the scene in Remember The Titans where Gerry Bertier gets paralyzed and can’t see the phone screen through his teary eyes.
31. He glanced over and realized it wasn’t a nude picture and decided the text could wait.
32. His phone is charging on the other end of the couch and he’s not about reach over his buddy’s lap for it.
33. He’s over thinking trying to find the perfect GIF to send you back.
34. He’s being an asshole and ghosting you. .
Image via Unsplash
Respond
Woah #13 hit way too close to home. Glad I’m not the only one.
“Postporntum Depression”, or “The Black Mirror of Loneliness”
Black screen reflects my shame,
Empty soul like endless skies.
One last try, Tinder.
Was that taken from Thoreau?
This was gold
Bravo
via GIPHY
After reading 18 and 19, I too started daydreaming about Scarlett Johansson in a shower.
He is living in a constant state of schizophrenic paranoia about the government having access to everything he does on his phone and is subsequently ghosting himself from society. Then another wave of paranoia comes crashing in about the idea that you could be pregnant which causes him to look around his own life and seeing it dissolve away at the thought of a mini version of himself now existing.
So he’s on a meth binge
Or astonishingly sober.
#9 happens way more than it should
I once tried to set an alarm to remind me to text a girl back later on. And that’s when I realized I’m a pathetic human being. Rare moment of personal growth.
#27 Happened to me last week…and I was sober.
I trust my gif game more than my actual game
I didn’t understand #11. PGP?
Connects with #10…
Dammit Kara who let you back on here?!
Dude, you’re usually on the mark. We all know you meant Kendra. Have a beer and forget her.