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“Do not dip your pen in the company ink. Am I right?” – Randy Graves
Reddit user chilaxinman took to the blog forum to share an email from a coworker — whom he’d previously had minimal interaction with — in which the coworker warns chilaxin at great length to not interfere with his nonexistent romantic relationship.
Whelp, there is an overwhelming amount of disgrace to digest here. As if it weren’t already established by the explicitly insecure all-capitalized subject title “STAY AWAY” and “THIS” in the body, the sender of this email loses all credibility by saying that this gal Julia and him are “basically an item.” Gee, pal, “basically” isn’t exactly the most convincing qualifier to ever come my way, and jointly referring to the two of you as an “item” is the lamest, most out-of-date relationship vocabulary I’ve heard all month.
I’m not exactly sure what you mean when you say that you “like all of her hopes, wants, and aspirations,” but it sounds pretty clingy. It also sounds like you need to read a fucking book for once and realize that the much more common expression is that you “support” all of her hopes and dreams. Saying that you “like” some chick’s mental process is a bit odd, if you ask me.
“And even though we aren’t technically dating right now, I know she’ll soon see that I’m the right guy for her. I’m a good guy.” Okay, you have my attention — now that you’ve asserted you’re a good guy.
After calling chilaxin a “bozo-like clown,” not only does he lose credibility of being that good guy, but also any credibility as a sane human. What company hired this man?
Throw in a final friendly all-capitalized “STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM JULIA” to sign off with, and you’ve got yourself a slam dunk of a Reddit post, man. The sender of this threatening email deserves this public shaming.
Just so long as he never burns the building to the ground, but I have my doubts about that..
[via Reddit]
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An enthusiastic kid at heart, I'm passionate about properly taking care of my hairline, having an inappropriate amount of DVR series recordings, and pretending to be a beer snob. Still on my quest to find my irresistible lifeguard dream girl who can rock the one-piece bathing suit. Hit me up on MySpace.
Why do oddballs and losers always somehow come up with the best and funniest insults? “Bozo-like clown” is amazing.
This guy sounds like he’s so far deep into the friend zone he has no hope of ever realizing the tool that she’s using him as. Poor dude.
After getting an email like that you would have to bang her…
he didn’t mean “like” as in “find appealing,” he meant “like” as in “such as.” how about you read a fucking book for once.
I would so have to bang her, but also start carrying a gun to work, before some legal action to fund our early retirement together.
The U.S. govt. needs to start subjecting detained terrorists & international criminals to an audio loop of that text.
I think if you alternated this between Slayer’s “Raining Blood” and Tiny Tim’s “Tiptoe Through the Tulips”, the detainees would lose their goddamn minds.
Fake.
Seems like a quick trip to HR by the subject would be the move.
I’d be curious to know what the lamest, most out-of-date relationship vocabulary you’ve heard all year is.