Welcome to the Dirty South, where we like our tea sweet, our summers hot, and our men even hotter. Atlanta is full of bars, great restaurants, and plenty of handsome guys. And as diverse as the city is, it’s no surprise that the men you’ll date in Hotlanta fit into pretty diverse categories themselves.
After 18 first dates from Tinder, I’ve decided to compile a list of boys you’ll find in the A.
1. UGA Grad
He is normal, cute, has a great job, but still lives with his parents. He can be found at a bar in Buckhead on any given Friday or Saturday night, and loves to have a good time with all of his bros. “Work hard, play harder” is his motto, but after his sixth beer during dinner, you’re wondering if he might have a drinking problem.
The dates are fun, seem to be going well, and you’re amazed by how well he listens to you. As is turns out though, he was really just looking past you to watch his dawgs play. Lesson learned. UGA Grad will never care for you the way he cares for that team.
2. The ATLien
Don’t let the fact that he’s a lawyer fool you. This guy is not your traditional, bring-home-to-momma guy. He will tell you that he “lives his life to the fullest,” and loves to try new things. He’s always down to go somewhere new, even if that place is a disgusting hole-in-the-wall next to the Clermont. His Tinder tagline says something funny/interesting, so you go out on a date with him.
ATLien wants to meet up somewhere in Old Fourth Ward, but assures you that “it’s a great place to hang out and chill,” even though it’s 2 blocks away from what seems like the sketchiest neighborhood on the face of the planet. He loses his chance to date you again, but let’s face it, you can only talk about how much you love this city so much.
3. The Transplant
Having recently moved to the city, The Transplant is eager to do a little exploring, but trusts your opinion on the best places to go. He seems like a great guy who leads a normal life, but with no college buddies around to serve as character witnesses, how can you really be sure? Your dates in Virginia Highland go well, so you and The Transplant hook up. He’ll text you the next few days but will eventually end up “exploring” the rest of the city by finding his own way to various restaurants and beds of Atlanta ladies.
4. Tech Grad
“The odds at Georgia Tech are good, but the goods at Georgia Tech are odd.” Truer words have never been spoken. Georgia Tech is an incredible university, and this ramblin’ wreck will never let you forget it. A privileged white boy, he works for a great company doing something you don’t understand, but it sounds like the kind of job that would get you a beautiful Tacori and a comfortable lifestyle. Tech Grad is cute(ish?) and wants to take you to fabulous restaurants like Two Urban Licks, so how can you say no? He has established short-term and long-term goals for his life, and for his wife’s life. Although he’s interesting and has good intentions, his nerdy side alarms you more than any pregnancy scare ever could. Plus he is a pretty terrible kisser, so no third date.
5. The Good Ole Country Boy
“Yeah I’m a country boy, but that big city bottom fills me up with joy.” Thank you Bubba Sparxxx for your honest and sincere words of adoration. Something about dating girls in the big city really does it for the home-grown boy. While he was raised in the middle-of-nowhere Georgia, he can appreciate the numbers of bars and restaurants airing the Braves game around Atlanta. He’s cute, and seems harmless so you’ll go out once or twice and fantasize about getting down and dirty in the bed of his truck. However, it isn’t long before you realize there is no way you can relate to the time he shined an 18-pound catfish straight out of the Flint River with his buddy Buck. Sweet little country boy. The big city girls may not be the girls for you.
6. Mr. Ft. Benning
With Fort Benning a mere hour and a half down I-85, there is no shortage of soldiers visiting Atlanta. You support the troops wholeheartedly, and what better way to show your love for America than by getting together with one of these cuties? Mr. Ft. Benning just so happens to be at one of the 15 bars in Buckhead, so you two meet up and drink a few too many whiskey and cokes. Before you know it you and Mr. Ft. Benning are drunkenly making out and hailing a cab. The next morning he’ll invite you to come visit him sometime, but let’s be honest, military bases are not prime shopping locales.
18 dates on Tinder?? Jesus.. Let’s make a list about you and your problems..
18 *first* dates. Sorry I have more fun than you.
Since when were first dates fun? *Surprise me* Okay, here we are at a really nice restaurant. *Oh, you didn’t have to, but I don’t eat seafood* Well, plan B then, let’s just goto a bar, get drunk, and see where this goes until 9am tomorrow morning when I can remove you permanently from my life.
I’m sorry you’ve had terrible first dates with picky girls…
I enjoy getting dolled up and having an intelligent conversation over dinner with an attractive guy who seems interested. Didn’t know that was a crime.
I’m not actually that bitter, I had just looked at my AMX statement.
I want to be nice to you but 18 first dates is a big red flag.
*Sigh* She probably owns a horse. /Forever alone.
Listen I went through a sad breakup and was just trying to get out of the house and meet guys who live in my area. Gimme a break. I consider it a bender.
Break given, although I just drink my way through a breakup. It takes a bottle to put up with their shit but only half a bottle to forget them.
Haha that’s great. Thanks for the advice. PS Texas - My horse is back home on my parents’ property.
Girl, I 100% understand.I have my first Tinder date Tuesday. Pray for me.
Thank you!!! Yes girl, I’ll pray. Meet in a public place and have an emergency escape route!
I have my friend on standby for the whole “oh no, some random emergency came up” phone call.
Praise Jesus. I feel for you on the breakup thing though.
It seems like you’re missing a major demographic…
^this.
Yeah, I don’t even have anything to say in my defense. These are just the guys I would meet with in Atlanta.
Lol nailed it. In her defense, College Park doesn’t really have the….”safest” bars.
Definitely thought you were talking about the gays. Oh, Midtown.
Missing the gays and Jews… among others.
Don’t forget the Hispanics, Persians, and Asians. You know, the Buford Highway crowd.
I’ll sponsor your first date with a black guy.
Hahaha the Buford Highway crowd. That’s so bad but so true.
Who says I haven’t gone on a date with a black guy?
Who are you trying to kid?
I’m not black. I don’t even tan well. But you didn’t show up on my Tinder back when I had it so I wasn’t that 19th first date.
Well isn’t that a shame! Maybe you aren’t finished with tinder…
Thank you for this. Thank you so much.
The UGA guy & Tech guy difference is SO spot on.
As a former Mr. Ft. Benning, thanks for the shoutout.
I think you’re a little too harsh on the UGA grad…he just met you (via Tinder…) and you expect him to pay more attention to you than his football team he’s lived and breathed his entire life?
No, I actually have a lot of respect for UGA Grad regarding his dedication to his team. But don’t schedule dates during the game (duh).
This is by far my favorite column. Im a FSU transplant in Atlanta with season tickets to UGA. This column is spot on.
This column is spot on. I dated all 6 of these and still talking to #6 and yup he loves Whiskey! this is prob why I moved to San Fran. So far there is a category here for Facebook and Google A** holes lol
Sorry to say, you didn’t really help yourself out there. You’ll find that cetegory also includes Oracle, SalesForce, and anyone in finance. All douches. Engineers at facebook and google are usually pretty cool, but you won’t find them in the city — they actually work.
I see no downside to UGA grad. I think we’re the best of the group.
Probably the most typical postgrad. But the best…debatable.
Moving down to ATL from the midwest later this year. God I hope these are better options than what we have up here.
#7 The Actor/Model & #8 The Socialite/Club Promoter. Hahahahaha. Guilty 8 times.
Pleading guilty to #1, but you forgot to specify “5 Paces regular”
Please dear God, don’t tell me you live in Atlanta.
I own a condo in Buckhead
And here I was, all excited about my move to Atlanta next week. My dreams are now ruined.
Don’t you hate driving everywhere, though?
it’s destiny really.
This just got amazing
HELL YES.
5 Paces, Parkbench, Churchill’s, The Ivy.. take your pick!
Are the rumors true that The Ivy has a cocaine room?
Ha! I’ve seen a few political fundraisers held there so most likely.
The thing that made me laugh most about this is I’d actually be at 5 Paces this weekend…if I wasn’t heading up to Athens to go to the game.
Please tell me where the places you regularly frequent. So I know where to avoid.
Quit being such a baby, there is no way in hell you are going to bump into me.
But it’s destiny, remember?
If that’s the case, telling you where not to go will not help much, will it? It’s okay, I wear protection.
The above thread is literally better in every way than any of the columns any of the chicks on PGP have written
Glad to know that you really are a gentlemen underneath that tough exterior
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IKaX70A1YHQ
Doesn’t pres have some shitty live in boyfriend?
I’m full of surprises
Can’t wait to read the write-up from postgradpres. “Expectations vs. Reality: 5OClockShadow”
This ^^^
^
Can we start a kickstarter sponsorship for the date
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I don’t think my reality can be much worse than her expectation.
Either way, I want to hear how this plays out.
Hopefully you at least have a 5 o’clock shadow…. or else that could get pretty awkward.
Wow… this is the most desperate, pathetic thing I have ever heard in my whole life. Sounds like the type of slut who fucks their own roommate’s brother.
Damn, this is so pathetic. I wish i didn’t waste my time reading it. Sounds like some fake ass slut who wears so much make-up, her complexion is like her morals. Non-existent…. Sounds like the person with the “type of values” who has intercourse with their roommates younger brother.
Hahaha woah woah woah that never happened. I actually have pretty strong morales, and I’m sorry you wasted your time reading the column.
My morale is pretty strong but my morals need some fine tuning.
Thanks for making me hate myself. *Morals*
Any time. It’s part of my irresistible charm.
“[B]ut it sounds like the kind of job that would get you a beautiful Tacori and a comfortable lifestyle.”
Another shrew looking to use her MRS degree…that guy is probably better off.
We need a list like this for the DMV. There are so many different options for guys in that area.