Recently, our beloved postgrad sanctuary was once again infiltrated by a good, old-fashioned, estrogen-fueled “male bashing.” I can’t even begin to portray the level of disgust I have for anyone on this site who turns this place into a gender war when we should focus our hatred toward the people who bring us to this site in the first place–our bosses. Now, I know I’m contradicting myself a bit here by writing another gender-specific piece, but I can’t sit idly by while some hack slaps together a slander piece that only paints half the picture. To said hack, I’m sorry you had to live with slobs–but all men aren’t pigs, just like all women aren’t stuck up. Anyway, here is what it’s like to live with the opposite sex from the male perspective.
1. They expect the place to spotless 95 percent of the time.
Don’t me wrong, I’m all for keeping laundry in a hamper and making sure food remains either in a fridge or in a trash can when no one’s eating, but my God getting scorned like the president is coming to visit tomorrow for leaving a few dishes in the sink overnight is a little over the top. All I’m saying is there has to be a line somewhere between parent’s weekend and Greek Week.
2. Their hair is everywhere.
Let’s talk about the bathroom for a minute, shall we? While I may be guilty of leaving a little sink stubble post-shave, is it anything in comparison to the chickens you ladies de-feather in what seems to be the only logical explanation for the hours you spend in the bathroom? Granted, I know your grooming routines are far more grueling than those of men, and most of the time I’m pretty thankful for the end result, but don’t you dare point the finger at us for the hair situation.
3. Girls sass EVERYONE.
In the past, I’ve had girlfriends who spent a few nights a week at my place. One of my former roommates had a live-in girlfriend when we lived together, too. From these women, I have learned one thing: girls love to bitch about other girls. The only things I have ever fought about–and I do mean physically–with my buddies was when they would wake me up before 8 a.m., still rowdy from the night before, demanding to know who drank the last Budweiser. This is nothing in comparison to hearing sorority chatter about how slutty some random was dressed, or how some other girl was getting too friendly with Jason from statistics when she knew he was already talking to someone else.
4. If you live with girls, say goodbye to all the free space.
I’m not talking about a stage 5 clinger who doesn’t respect your personal space bubble. I’m talking about the Ficus I drunkenly stubbed my toe on that materialized out of nowhere, or the high heels that I stepped on, or the crafty shelves that have even more crafts on them. I’ll admit that I do enjoy the scented candles on top of the toilet though– those are a nice touch.
5. Boundaries? What are those?
Ladies, I get that you may swap clothes with your friends to try and keep the illusion of an ever-diversifying wardrobe, but stealing a guy’s band tee even if its it to pull of the sexy punk look is still exactly what it sounds like: stealing. My buddy’s room is off limits unless he’s in it or says otherwise. That’s just common courtesy in my eyes.
I could go on and on with my bashing if I waned to, but the point is, the idiosyncrasies that drive us off the deep end are not exclusive to gender. Can we please just go back to griping about why our bosses think Friday morning team building exercises are a good idea?