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It seems that, every day, we’re inundated with what’s hot right now in the world of fashion. Last year, it was everything mullet-cut and floral-printed denim. This year, it’s (unfortunately, for the majority of the female population) cropped everything, and GASP! The demise of skinny jeans? That’s a whole other topic that I just can’t right now.
In, out. Hot, not. Even if you love fashion, trends can be a bitch to keep up with–and not to mention, expensive. A lot of the time, I find myself standing half-naked in front of my closet, wondering out loud, “Is that still in style?” followed closely with an, “Ah, fuck it,” as I put it on anyway.
Sweatpants
I don’t care how in shape, out of shape, fat, or thin you might be, sweatpants are a universal treat for any and all individuals. There’s nothing quite like coming home after a long, meaningless day in your cube, taking off your stupid pants, tossing your dumb bra on your bed, and throwing on your favorite pair of sweatpants. I’ve never really understood why they’re named what they are since I rarely sweat in them. In fact, I think most people wear them when they’re cold, right? Regardless, they’re always perfectly acceptable to wear around your home and even to run quick errands in if you’re bold and uncaring. Of course, it still stands true that if you begin to wear sweatpants to social events, you’ve probably given up on life, but for everything else, yes.
Hoodies
Next time you’re blue, throw on one of your hoodies, zip it up all the way, actually wear the hood of it with the drawstrings fully pulled together, and feel the instant relief of being gently handled by a mixture of cotton and invisibility. Often, people wear hoodies to appear unapproachable, moody, and too engulfed in fabric to bother with anything right now. And you know what? That’s totally fine. You don’t have to only wear hoodies when in a bad mood, though. You can wear them whenever you want: to look effortlessly adorable walking into the gym, to exude innocent cuteness when shopping for groceries, or to just lounge in because you can. And hoodies on men? Lord have mercy. Sexy, simple, and begging to be groped is how women view most men wearing hoodies.
Full Ass Underwear
Thongs are inarguably imperative for every female’s daily styling efforts. Although my parents still don’t understand them and my dad pretends to dry heave any time they’re brought up in conversation, without thongs, our society as a whole would be laden with unaesthetic panty lines everywhere we turned. However, full ass underwear brings undeniable joy to the end of any day and to the duration of any bedtime. I wear thongs because I have to, but you’d be a fool to think I don’t carry a deep love for my collection of regular, ol’ undies. There’s something so secure about putting on a pair of full ass underwear and feeling, well, covered. And it’s not like guys hate those boy shorts, ladies. In fact, a lot of them prefer those over thongs. Of course, don’t get too ahead of yourself by testing the waters with your favorite, oldest, most ragged pair of undies with the men. That’s just kind of rude and should be kept between you, your crotch, and your underwear.
Cool Sneakers
Yes, wearing all-white sneakers with jeans or anything that even slightly resembles that is just a big, fat NOPE. But something that will never go out of style is a cool pair of kicks. Wear them with actual workout garb or denim or even your sweatpants, and you can still pull off looking put together as fuq. Old school Nikes, new school Nikes, cute throwback Chucks, slip-on vans with an adorable, tiny print–all of these (and many more) are acceptable sneakers to sport on the daily and forever.
Oversized Shirts
No, not tall tees. I’m talking not-perfectly-fitted shirts and button downs. I truly believe the “boyfriend” trend is one that’s here to stay, and even if someone claims it’s “out,” it can and will transcend the fashion and space continuum. To me, there’s nothing cuter than an already smaller girl sporting a boxier, looser look. “Hmm,” you think to yourself. “Look at that cute chick not feeling the need to wear skin-tight clothing. I wonder what she’s got under there. Maybe some really awesome tits. Maybe an adorable tummy. I may never know, but it’s fun that way.” The image of a one or two-size too big shirt on a girl that falls slightly off the shoulder or maybe hugs her curves ever so subtly is one that cannot be beat by even the tightest of mini dresses (IMO). When in doubt, throw on that worn-in, too-big, white shirt with some jean shorts and sandals and BOOM (that was the sound of a thousand weiners exploding).
What did I miss? What do you consider evergreen fashion trends?
Respond
Emma G
Emma is a female with a vagina and, subsequently, often writes things other vaginas (and sometimes weiners) find super relatable. She is a 20something who loves eating, buying clothes she doesn't need, and wearing lipstick. You can find 4+ years of her rantings on her blog: www.emmasthing.com
@emmasthing
@emmasthing
Basically you just described pajamas. Pajamas are here to stay.
Not sure who made up the myth that guys don’t like girls in thongs.
When was this said? Your reading comprehension skills are lacking.
“And it’s not like guys hate those boy shorts, ladies. In fact, a lot of them prefer those over thongs.”
Preferring one thing over another isn’t the same as not liking something. I prefer Chipotle over Taco Bell, but that doesn’t mean I don’t like Taco Bell. I love Taco Bell.
I’m just not IN love with Taco Bell.
But there’s nothing wrong about it for those of us who are…
“Not that there’s anything wrong with that!”
Solid, astutely written article.
You mean to tell me that something that is considered cool is always in style? Wow, I had no idea.
I clicked on this column because it had a girl (I hope) in sweatpants and thought “eh, shows potential.” I skimmed through it and immediately closed the tab. Then I actually opened back up to tell you how this article was bad and you should feel bad. How is looking homeless “in style”? I ask that not only to you, but to every hipster as well. But I digress, maybe you’ve just given up and feel okay wearing your pajamas on your weekly Walmart trip. That is all, have a good weekend.
Thanks Dad