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Everyone has a list of things, either on paper or taking up real estate inside their brain, that should be cut out of their lives but for whatever reason just never get nixed. I’ve got a few things that I’d really like to stop doing but out of sheer stubbornness, I find any reason I can to continue doing them. It’s annoying because I want to stop doing things that are a detriment to myself, you know? But I also don’t. I realize those last two sentences sound like every girl you’ve ever dated, but it’s true.
Chapstick
Chapstick, like Kleenex, became so popular that instead of saying lip balm people now just say “chapstick” to refer to any kind of balm on the market. I personally hate the Chapstick brand. Too medicine-y tasting for me. But balm for my lips is one of my favorite things to buy and then lose two days after purchasing. Blistex is the best for chapped lips, especially during winters in the Midwest, but Anthropologie makes a balm called Rosebud Salve that is fire flame emojis. The issue I have with lip balm is that people are always telling me that it just makes your lips more chapped over time. I don’t know if there is any science to back that up or if it’s complete bullshit, but I believe them. But when the going gets tough and my lips start bleeding because they’re cracked and dried up like a prune, my only salvation is Blistex. I won’t ever be able to give up balms like this even if it does just make my lips more chapped.
Coffee
Coffee: the lifeblood of any working adult. I started drinking coffee in college when I began getting internships or needed a boost whilst sitting in the library. That introduction to coffee soon turned to a full on dependence that I needed to function in the morning. But it stains your teeth, anything past two cups is asking for stomach problems, and if you’re like me and don’t have an office coffee pot, you either have to make yourself a to-go cup before work or spend four dollars to get a cup at Starbucks. Is coffee bad for you? Depending on what day it is, publications all over the internet will give you varying answers. A lot of people tell me I should switch to tea. But it isn’t the same. I lasted all of one week trying that out. I hate that coffee stains my teeth, but that’s what whitening trays from the dentist are for, right?
Alcohol
Laugh out loud funny. You cut alcohol out of my diet, I’ll just off myself. I’ve slowed down quite a bit in the last few years. I try to keep it to Thursday through Sunday, and of course there will be some random Tuesday night where I drink a bottle of wine with dinner. My God. Just thinking about my life without alcohol is scaring me. This is just like chapstick. Never going to give it up.
Avoiding Exercise
I have a love-hate relationship with the gym. I love it after I’m finished with a workout, but I cannot stand going to the gym. It’s probably my least favorite thing to do because I have to go before work starts, which means getting up at the ungodly hour of 5:30 in the morning. I’m on the wrong side of 24. This means that I’ve started to notice my metabolism just isn’t what it used to be. If I want to keep the body I had at 22, I need to stop putting off the gym instead of opting for that extra hour of sleep.
Accepting Any And All Invitations
The fear of missing out has been covered ad nauseam. I hate FOMO just as much as anyone else, which is why when I have several options for one night, and I’ll pretend like I’m going to somehow be at all of them. I can’t say no, which probably makes people think I’m flaky when I don’t show up to that bar I said I’d be at by 9:30. I should really start telling people the truth when I don’t want to go somewhere. “I’d love to but I’d rather stay in my sweatpants and watch a movie” or “No, I’m already at a bar on the other side of town”. Except it never happens that way, and I don’t see myself changing all that much. I’m still going to take calls from people on Saturday night, begrudgingly get out of my sweatpants and meet them at a bar somewhere. I’m still going to have text messages going with multiple people making absurd plans that I know will never happen. That’s every Friday and Saturday. It’s a vicious, never ending cycle.
I don’t have a ton of vices, but these few that I just ran through are here to stay for me. Plus, I’m pretty sure avoiding the gym is an American pastime. I’m not going to besmirch the Red, White, and Blue like that. Come on. .
Image via HAKINMHAN / Shutterstock.com
Respond
jduda@grandex.co
6. Masturbating at work
I guess it’s a reasonable alternative to mass-murdering your coworkers when stressed?
Give up those smokes, Johnny D.
Try Burts Bees chapstick JohnnyD. You won’t have to reapply every 3 minutes like blistex
Burts is a must have
When sociologists dig through the early Internet, they will proclaim “Blistex is the best for chapped lips, especially during winters in the Midwest, but Anthropologie makes a balm called Rosebud Salve that is fire flame emojis.” as the most unintentionally pretentious sentence ever.
As far as coffee goes, just buy a coffee maker you can set to brew and set it up the night before. Then you wake up to the smell of hot Java like you’re in a goddamn Foldgers commercial. And I totally feel you on the gym. I’m a month shy of 30 and something I used to look forward to has turned into a total chore.
I’m sure this makes me a sociopath but I somehow have the patience for cold brewing coffee and drinking it over ice. Less bitterness, more caffeine, and I get to save on calories compared to Starbucks.
Also – I have serious FOMO despite lack of a squad. PGP
You taking applications, Johnny D?
Feel you on the Chapstick, absolute must have
I’ve cut alcohol down to 1 day a week (typically Fri), and I feel amazing. I have a feeling I’ll falter a lot during the summer, but still, Mon-Thur will still be off limits. Can’t even describe how much more tolerable Monday’s are when I don’t have crippling dehydration courtesy of a “Sunday Funday.” Also losing weight. Mentally and physically, drinking just takes such a toll.
You don’t have to work out a lot, just don’t eat shitty food.
I haven’t been inside a gym in years. Find a sport or hobby that you enjoy and get your exercise while having fun. I ride a bike 7 times a week and play soccer twice. No gyms, no jogging, some light weights at my office when I need a break.