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1. Remix some of your fave songs with applicable lyrics relating to what you’re currently doing or feeling.
So I haven’t done this one since I was at school, but with the help of some trusty teammates, we mustered up quite a repertoire. We turned “Turn My Swag On” into “Get my Tan On,” and “Say What You Need To Say” into “Stretch What you Need to Stretch” for our post-warm up elementary school stretching circle (Go D3!). This was probably our finest moment. Really, the crappier of a singer you are, the better. Make sure you practice a lot. Put your headphones on and play the original while you tweak your remix. Make sure you can’t hear your own singing but everyone else in the office can. Trust me, you’re really making everyone’s day brighter.
2. Take the stairs.
This is the oldest one in the book. I spent the first five months at my job cursing the lazy fucks who would get in the elevator with me and take it to the second or third floor. Then I realized there are no non-emergency staircases to those floors. But I still hated those people just as fervently. Honestly, I just want to give a big middle finger to whoever designed this hell hole of a building. Regardless, taking the stairs up a couple flights apparently qualifies you as being “fit,” and it totally counteracts the seven heaters your rip every half an hour throughout the day. It might feel like Augustus Gloop is sitting on your chest for the duration of said trip and even a good 10 minutes after, but I swear you’ll get quite the high from pushing yourself. Or maybe that’s just the moment immediately prior to you passing out.
3. Write everything with your non-dominant hand.
Oh, you do literally of your work on the computer? Irrelevant concern here. Clearly, if you’re adopting these Survivor-like challenges, you do not have serious responsibilities like “expense reports” and “pitches” (I don’t even know what those mean). Instead, start a work diary and pretend it’s in the interest of professional development. No one can argue with that. The kicker here is that you need to write all of these Gil Humplestead-esque entries with your non-dominant hand. See ya in about two years.
4. Spend one whole day not speaking. At all.
If you have a job that is anything like mine, this may not be the most challenging task. However, you have the ability to make it harder. Whenever someone addresses you, in any way, you need to communicate with only non-verbal cues. Some examples may include, (but are not limited to) using gang signs to get your message across, shrugging emphatically, winking, hugging, perfecting the double pistol and thumbs up, and simply bursting into tears. Really get creative with this one. Remember, this is all about self-improvement.
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Mary Swanson
Both a bitter and optimistic 24-year-old entry-level underachiever with 2-4 friends and 0 talents. Washed up is an understatement. I prefer almost all my food luke-warm, what does that say about me?
@maryswansonPGP
Been in this cubicle for 6 months and #4 is a normal workday.