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- What’s wrong?
- You look tired.
- I’m kinda grossed out by blood. Sorry.
- Does it hurt?
- When did you get your first period? I want to hear all about it.
- Whoa! You finished your dinner before I did.
- Second helpings? Really? I don’t think your metabolism is as fast as you think it is.
- How does a tampon work?
- What if it gets stuck?
- No, really. Has it ever gotten stuck?
- You should call your mom. She always does such a good job of helping your self-esteem.
- Do you sync up with your friends? You know, like wolves?
- I’ve never heard of someone gaining 15 pounds of extra water weight.
- Please stop crying.
- No, really. For the love of God. Stop crying.
- Go for a run. Exercise helps cramps. Besides, that ice cream won’t work itself off.
- At least you’re not pregnant!
- Your hair looks really oily. Actually, your skin does, too. When was the last time you showered?
- You don’t wear pads, right?
- Bright side, babe: no condom.
- Is that a whisker?
- What’s taking so long? You’re never in the bathroom for that long.
- Do you want to talk about it?
- I know what you’re going through. One time in the 3rd grade, Becky Smith kicked me in the balls. Same thing.
- I really don’t think it’s as bad as you say it is.
- Please don’t make me buy tampons.
- How many more years ’til you’re all dried up?
- You sound like a crazy person.
- I think you’ve seen “Dirty Dancing” enough times for today.
- What if instead of eating this entire bag of chips, you, uhhh…didn’t?
- My ex-girlfriend didn’t act like this.
- My mom said you’re being overly dramatic for attention.
- This was a whole lot easier when we didn’t live together.
- Is this what you’re going to act like when you’re pregnant?
- You’re scaring the dog.
- You can’t just sit there and cry and watch shows about women murdering their husbands. You just can’t.
- There’s no more wine.
- Or Midol.
- Old Yeller dies at the end. And so does Jack from “Titanic.”
“At least you’re not pregnant” is totally legit.
Good to know blowjobs aren’t off the table.
tl;dr don’t talk to bitches on their periods
In other words, just don’t talk to her;
One that I’ve learned recently (after saying to my girlfriend): “Look, I know you’re upset because of your period but….”
“Did you just eat an entire jar of peanut butter? With a spoon?”
Yes, yes I did.
I violate #16 every month. #dontcare
Also, do NOT try to make Iced Tea with a used tampon. That was the worst picnic I’ve ever been on.