36 Questions Every Man Will Ask Himself During The Holidays

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  1. Is this really the best time to quit smoking?
  2. Do all of my nieces and nephews need presents?
  3. Fuck me, right?
  4. $99 for a throw blanket? Fuck you, Pottery Barn.
  5. Where did all these children come from?
  6. For the ninth time, what do you want for Christmas?
  7. Shit, what do I want for Christmas?
  8. Can I ask for a snowblower?
  9. Do you offer free shipping? What about assembly?
  10. Where did my dad get all of his grown up holiday clothes?
  11. What days are the bars open?
  12. Where’s the Tylenol?
  13. When are the fun parties?
  14. Are there any fun parties?
  15. Is anybody listening to me?
  16. Why don’t I own more sweaters?
  17. Why didn’t I do shit on Black Friday?
  18. Where the hell is my year-end bonus?
  19. How do the guys with kids pull this off?
  20. When will this end?
  21. Why can’t every Christmas be like the one where I got an N64?
  22. You need me to make how many quiches?
  23. Do I look like a guy who is capable of making quiche?
  24. Am I too old to ask for video games?
  25. We have to go where now?
  26. Do I have enough money for all this?
  27. Should I look for a new job?
  28. Are they hiring over there?
  29. Why in god’s name did I think that flying during the holidays was a good idea?
  30. Do I have New Year’s plans?
  31. Do I need New Year’s plans?
  32. Why do I need New Year’s plans?
  33. Wouldn’t I be insane to have New Year’s plans.
  34. Don’t you know that New Year’s Eve is the most overrated of all the holidays?
  35. Are you an insane person?
  36. Why don’t you just walk away now?

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