25 More Signs You’re Currently Unemployed

  1. It’s after 3:00pm and you’re still in your pajamas.
  2. You’ve started posting desperate “someone please hire me” statuses to Facebook with absolutely no shame.
  3. @CareerBuilder has started tweeting you.
  4. Your apartment is spotless because you have nothing better to do than clean it.
  5. You have fourteen different versions of your resume. Not a single one of them has gotten you hired.
  6. You’re really proud of all the things you’ve had time to pin on Pinterest…and you’re a guy.
  7. You’ve started to wonder how much money you’d make by selling your plasma.
  8. Selling your semen is starting to look like an attractive option too.
  9. You’ve now reached level 312 of Candy Crush Saga, and still counting.
  10. You constantly update your LinkedIn profile to make sure it’s in tip-top shape in case someone important stumbles across it.
  11. Setting up an appointment with the Career Center at your recent alma mater is beginning to look like a necessity. They won’t know that you graduated two years ago, right?
  12. You’ve started to lose weight, not because you have extra time to workout, but because you’re too poor to buy food.
  13. Your dad calls on a regular basis to ask if you need any money even though he knows you’re too proud to take it.
  14. The highlight of your week is being asked back for a second interview. The low point of the week is completely blowing it.
  15. You are still dependent upon your parents for medical insurance, and your mom reminds you of this fact weekly.
  16. The only way you feel better about your life is by watching Maury.
  17. You’re thinking about looking for a roommate for your studio apartment in a desperate attempt to hold off moving back in with your parents.
  18. Your friends have stopped Snapchatting you because they’re tired of seeing the same picture of you laying in bed.
  19. Actually, you’re kinda starting to wonder if you even have friends now that you don’t see or talk to them since they find you depressing. Netflix might be your only friend.
  20. You’ve thought about getting a cat for company, but then realized that you couldn’t afford it and a litter box and cat food.
  21. You’ve started drinking Keystone Light again because it’s literally the only thing you can afford, and you can only afford it by eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for a month.
  22. You go to the mall just to see if there are any “Employment Opportunities Available – Inquire Within” signs hanging in the windows.
  23. You’ve quickly started to realize why everyone said that your twenties are the hardest time in your life.
  24. When people ask you how your job search is going, you literally want to scream, “How the fuck do you think it’s going? If it was going well, I would obviously already have a fucking job!” In fact, this may have come out of your mouth once when you talking to your grandma. Sorry about that, grams.
  25. The only thing keeping you sane is knowing that the unemployment rate is at 7.4% which means that you’re not alone in the struggle.
Favorite 12

Comments (2)

  1. I looked into donating plasma. Where I was, you could make something like $40 each for your first donations, but you feel like shit all day and have to deal with the homeless. Not terrible, but you could only do it like twice a week max.

    I looked into donating sperm too, but you have to be a real genetic specimen. Specifically you need a good family medical history (I’m out right there). Tall and light eyes preferred. Also you’re not getting paid unless you can produce enough sperm that all survive the freezing process.

    Also if it helps keep you sane, some people are putting the “real” unemployment rate at 10%+

    18 days ago | Log in or sign up to reply.

  2. U6 unemployment is more accurate: unemployed and looking, unemployed and not looking, and underemployed. U6 unemployment is nearing 15%. Feel better?

    16 days ago | Log in or sign up to reply.