23 Lessons Everyone Learned In 2013

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2013 was a journey filled inspiration, musical hilarity, global prosperity and twerking. Here are a few pop culture things you may have picked up along the way:

1. If you make a music video including a techno song, people wearing animal masks and small Asian men, you will become famous for 17.5 minutes.
2. Generation Selfie has begun. And should end. Now.
3. Twerking is catastrophic. It ruins lives, tears apart marriages, and obliterates self-respect. (Unless you’re Justin Timberlake. He can do anything.)
4. Anything worth noting needs a #hashtag. #eventhingsthathavenobusinessontheinternet
5. You never know when racial slurs will cost you your job. Oh wait, that’s ALWAYS. Sorry Paula Dean, no more eating butter sticks on camera for you.
6. If you start a fight with Kanye West on Twitter, you’ll win. #TeamJimmy
7. If you and your boss can’t agree on something, just shut down the company. Obviously worked for the government.
8. Never trust a guy with a fake girlfriend. Lookin’ at you, Manti Te’o.
9. The golden age of pop music is over. So long, early ’90s & 2000’s. Hello dubstep.
10. If you want people to outwardly hate you, call yourself Yeezus.
11. When in doubt, twerk it out. (Ignore lesson #3)
12. Tina Fey & Amy Poehler should to host ev-er-y-thing.
13. If you buy a monkey in Germany, you can’t bring it back with you. Sorry, Biebs.
14. Beyonce. Just…Beyonce.
15. Super tall bling’d out basketball players and short scary dictators make the best of friends. “Who cares who killed who, let’s hang out.”
16. Why send texts when you can send snaps that will last for 10 seconds?
17. Can’t come up with new ideas? Shrink it and pink it. Right, Apple?
18. Don’t believe Mayans. STILL HERE, MAYANS!
19. The formula for teen boy bands will never change. Fame = One boy with great hair, one cute quiet one, one that looks way older than the rest – is that a beard? – one that adds a teeny bit of diversity to the group, one that’s slightly questionable. Did I miss anyone?
20. You will undoubtedly win every music award ever if your name rhymes with Aylor Wift.
21. If your YouTube video doesn’t have that many views, add a cat to it. It’ll go viral.
22. Duchess Kate Middleton is the prettiest person in the world. End of story.
23. Never volunteer to put your face on the homepage of healthcare.gov.

Thanks for your life lessons, 2013. We will miss you and your antics.
#things2013taughtme

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