20 Things You’ll Learn During Your First 6 Weeks Of Work


  1. You won’t become the youngest VP in company history.
  2. Sitting at a desk all day is absolute hell on your lower back.
  3. You sound like a douche on your voicemail message.
  4. That 460 dollar monthly car payment was a bad choice.
  5. Don’t get a dog. You can’t even take care of your inbox.
  6. That recipe you tore out of a magazine? Yeah, you’ll never cook that, and if you do, it will suck.
  7. Just order the bowl at Chipotle.
  8. Quality beer > Quantity of beer
  9. You can get 3 three meals out of a large pizza if you order right.
  10. The IT guy hates you.
  11. Don’t date someone that’s still in college.
  12. You should go ahead and pay for the Pandora upgrade.
  13. Have a phone charger at your desk at all times.
  14. You don’t have time to make breakfast.
  15. You have some of the symptoms, but it’s probably not Mono.
  16. Don’t try to pull a Thursday through Sunday college weekend. Your body will only allow 2 nights.
  17. You’re too tired to go to the gym, and you’ll never wake up early to go.
  18. Coffee for a hangover only gets you so far. You’ll be riding the endorphin train for about 20 minutes, and then it’s moderate anxiety for the next hour.
  19. There’s actually some good stuff on AM radio.
  20. You shouldn’t do shots anymore.

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Lawyer. Writer. Dude doing business. I'm the meatloaf guy from tv.

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