19 Lessons You Will Learn Repeatedly After College

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You learned a lot in college. Sure, you mastered multi-tasking, studied hard for finals and passed whatever pointless useful classes you took. But more importantly, you made a doctors appointment all by yourself, learned how to write a check, and maybe even ironed a shirt at one point. After learning so many valuable life lessons, why are there still so many that will NEVER stick in postgrad life? Do yourself a favor and post the next 19 life lessons on your fridge and you’ll be a real adult in no time.

1. Buy toilet paper BEFORE you run out. Paper towels leave scratch marks.
2. I don’t care what you say, you can’t drink as much as you could in college and get away with it. Do less, champ. Do less.
3. Stop buying drinks for every single person in the bar when you get wastey-pants. YOU ARE NOT PUFF DADDY.
4. Gross stuff goes in the trash bin. Alcohol bottles go in the recycling bin. You’re an adult now. Think of the environment, Captain Planet.
5. Try vacuuming every once in a while. People will be impressed with how sharp your bachelor/bachelorette pad looks.
6. Stop buying useless things. I know the gratification that online shopping brings, but that $600 juicer you bought is getting about as much use as your shake weight.
7. Speaking of juicing, stop giving in to crazy diet fads. That kale smoothie will save you just about as much as that lemonade-cayenne pepper-battery acid “detox” juice cleanse you did last month. Eat better foods. Eat less terrible food.
8. Be careful not to say weird stuff around your boss. Personal example: when your boss is going on a sales pitch, don’t scream at him to “kick some ass” unless you’ve known him for a while. Awkward looks were exchanged.
9. In the work world, you’re a freshman again. We all know the skills you have, but no one else knows yet. Being humble is key.
10. DON’T RIDE THE BULL UNLESS YOU ARE WEARING UNDERWEAR (there are several images stored in my brain that can’t be unseen).
11. Two words: birth control.
12. If you go into work looking disgusting because you went out the night before, have an excuse stored in your back pocket just in case someone asks what’s wrong. Try one of these: “I was up all night developing a consulting doc for Client A” or “I stayed up super late brainstorming ideas for Project B and I couldn’t sleep because it was SO EXCITING.”
13. Suck up just enough, but not too much at work. Everyone loves compliments; nobody loves them when they’re not genuine.
14. Only get a pet if you can remember to feed it and clean its shit.
15. Fill up your gas tank BEFORE you run out of gas. Self-explanatory but we all make mistakes…right?
16. Bros before hoes. The friends that stick with you after college are probably going to be around for a while. Don’t leave them behind.
17. Clear your history on your computer. Work or home, it doesn’t matter. CLEAR. IT.
18. Unemployment can be funemployment. Just don’t let the fun last too long.
19. Don’t freak out if it feels like your life is in a downward spiral. I mean it probably is, but you’ll be fine.

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KPrince

A recent grad and contributing writer for PGP, Kelsey spends her days in an office cubicle, and her nights either snookin' for love at the local watering hole or watching TV with her cat in her downtown apartment. She still has no idea what she's doing with her life.

• @KPrinceeee