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If you’ve spent any time on Twitter at all, you’re probably familiar with the “Fact Account” phenomenon. These accounts post hundreds of astonishing facts a week, and collectively amass millions and millions of followers in the process.
How do they do it? By lying, of course. While many of their tweets are factual, an alarming chunk are misleading, and some are just plain, unadulterated bullshit. When you can ignore the insignificant things, like sources or any shred of journalistic integrity, it turns out you can say whatever the hell you want. Here are some of the lies from the past few days. Keep digging in these accounts and you’re bound to find more.
Teenagers require the same amount of sleep as young toddlers.
— UberFacts (@UberFacts) October 15, 2013
Not according to the National Sleep Foundation, but what do they know, right?
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
— What The F*** Facts (@WhatTheFFacts) October 15, 2013
Complete urban legend. Science has no idea if animals find pleasure in sex.
Most cigarettes contain “ambergris” (whale vomit) for added flavor. — UberFacts (@UberFacts) October 15, 2013
Only cigarettes in Egypt, actually. Ambergris trade is illegal in the USA.
There is a city called Rome on every continent. — What The F*** Facts (@WhatTheFFacts) October 15, 2013
Not in Antarctica or Australia.
The sun shrinks by about 5 feet every second. — UberFacts (@UberFacts) October 14, 2013
In space, astronauts can’t cry, because there is no gravity, so the tears can’t flow. — Google Facts (@GoogleFacts) October 8, 2013
You can still cry, the tears just don’t fall.
Ernest Hemingway once wrote a six-word short story – It read “For sale: baby shoes, never used.” — UberFacts (@UberFacts) October 14, 2013
There is no proof that Hemingway wrote this.
Shia LaBeouf’s name means “Thank God for beef.” — Google Facts (@GoogleFacts) October 5, 2013
LeBeouf admitted himself that it translates to “Shit the Beef”
If you were to be paid $500 in pennies, you would actually have enough metal to be melted down and sold for over $1,000. — UberFacts (@UberFacts) October 16, 2013
Only if every penny you got was made before 1982.
The longest one-syllable word in the English language is screeched. — What The F*** Facts (@WhatTheFFacts) October 14, 2013
It’s not that special: scratched, scrounged, scrunched, and stretched are just as long.
It’s likely that we are all descendants of the Pharaohs. — UberFacts (@UberFacts) October 14, 2013
This makes so little sense I’m not even sure how to refute it.
On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily. — What The F*** Facts (@WhatTheFFacts) October 16, 2013
This “fact” was completely made up for an old chain email.
George Washington wore size 13 shoes. — UberFacts (@UberFacts) October 16, 2013
Shoe sizes didn’t exist in America until 1880.
Beer was once a common breakfast drink. Beer also contains fish bladder gelatin as an ingredient. — UberFacts (@UberFacts) October 15, 2013
Only some beers use “fish bladder gelatin.” Watch out next time you have a Guinness.
It has been scientifically proven that Oreos are as addictive as cocaine.
— Fact (@Fact) October 16, 2013
A few rats enjoyed Oreos just as much as cocaine. “Scientifically proven” is a stretch.
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Joe Nullet
Joe is the VP of Branding & Marketing for Grandex Inc and co-host of the Dudes Doing Business Podcast. He prides himself on his abundance of LinkedIn Powerpoint Endorsements.
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All from the last 2 weeks. Feel like my whole life is a lie.
I always thought these accounts were dumb.
This may be anecdotal, but have you ever not blown straight through an entire package of Oreos in one sitting like that one (or 20) times you “tried” cocaine? And if not Oreos, the other special sort of cookie crack known as Thin Mints?
All under the assumption (of course) that none of us here are disgusting fatties that would buy a Costco pack of Oreos or have the drug habit and bankroll of Charlie Sheen.
“If you cannot fall asleep, it’s because you’re awake in someone else’s dreams.” Fucking morons.
Great column.