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If you’re lucky/unfortunate enough to have a girlfriend, then you’ve likely watched several sporting events with her by now. Maybe she was already into sports, but more likely, you’ve been slowly teaching her the basics of everything so that the experience isn’t pure misery for her. That’s pretty easy for American sports, because most people have a decent baseline of knowledge about football/basketball/baseball. Soccer on the other hand is a foreign concept to most people. Hell, maybe you don’t even know what the fuck’s going on half the time, something that isn’t helped by your lady friend spouting off any number of these:
- Offsides? Where’s the yellow line?
- Is that redhead commentator Lucy Lawless’s brother or something?
- Why isn’t he calling a timeout?
- Who won last year?
- Why isn’t David Beckham playing?
- You can tie? Why are we even watching this stupid game?
- Do they call him Messy like as a funny nickname?
- How come they keep cutting to women in the crowd?
- Oh no, is he hurt?!
- Why do they keep talking about a pitch? Is that when they throw it in from the side?
- This is in Brazil? Why is everyone complaining about Qatar, then?
- What color do you think that Neymar guy’s eyes are?
- Why do the US coach and like five of the players have German accents?
- There was another Ronaldo? Was he hot too?
- Why do the USA jerseys look like they were designed for France or Russia?
(That’s actually a great fucking question.)
Respond
the US jersey looks like a bombpop:
Seriously, why do we have the French flag on our American jerseys? They should’ve just made a deal with Disney and rocked Captain America’s get up.
Why doesn’t Chubbies sponsor the U.S. Uniforms?
I have been asked all 15 of these questions. However I’m a massive fan of the US away kit (the white one is still the home kit as far as I’m aware).
Knox, you smashing any of the chicks you’re watching the games with?
More like: “What the fuck is Qatar?”
“Soccer on the other hand is a foreign concept to most people”……but doesn’t soccer have more people registered to play in leagues than any other sport in North America?
While these are all spot on #2, #11, and #14 are fucking hilarious. Also in agreement with the jerseys.
Why does the clock count up?
For added time….a game can’t go into negative mins but it can go into 95
Why don’t they just stop the clock on a foul or throw-in under 5 minutes? Something about the ref judging when to stop the match seems weird.
Because if you did that the clock would forever be stopping. And its not like football, where there is a definitive end to a play. A team can get fouled or the ball can go out, and the free kick or throw in can be taken quickly.
“1. Offsides? Where’s the yellow line?”
A common misconception, but the rule is actually called offside, not offsides.