15 Disturbing Thoughts I Have Everyday


There has to be something in the water in Los Angeles. Or maybe it’s just the postgrad blues kicking in. Or maybe it’s the 9-plus hours a day in my cubicle staring at a blank computer screen. Either way, I’ve have some weird thoughts running through my head on a daily basis. It’s pretty disturbing.

  1. If I got into a car accident, I could probably get the day off.
  2. If I got into a big car accident, I could probably get a lot of people the day off.
  3. Homeless people are so lucky. They get every day off.
  4. Dogs are so lucky. All they do is eat, sleep and poop all day. Three of my favorite activities.
  5. If fake an addiction, I can check myself into one of those rehabilitation resorts and take a vacation.
  6. Honestly, if I had a pet, it would die. I couldn’t even keep my Neopet alive.
  7. Getting injured on the job is like winning the lottery.
  8. I wish my boss would sexually harass me so I could sue the company.
  9. I would settle for some vacation days.
  10. How many consecutive weekdays of drinking does it take before you’re an alcoholic?
  11. Maybe I don’t have to fake that addiction!
  12. I can’t even be mad that my boss still calls me by the wrong name after a year, because if I were him I wouldn’t remember my name. I suck at working here.
  13. Betting on college football actually seems like a sound investment.
  14. If this office was entered in the Hunger Games, I would totally win.
  15. Man, I wish this office was entered in the Hunger Games.

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