10 Generic Office Comments And How You Wish You Could Respond

We’ve all heard them. Whether it’s a generic buzzword, cliche, or just a recycled movie line, we all wish we could just say what we’re thinking in response.

1. “There he is!”

Yeah, I’ve been at my desk all morning. We literally spoke 30 minutes ago about the Fisher account.

2. “I just wanted to touch base with you…”

What? You’ve already got me on the phone. It sounds like you’re just buying time while you finish that game of Minesweeper.

3. “Ok, let’s circle back to this.”

You mean talk to me at a later time because you are unprepared for this important conversation? Sounds great.

4. “I’m playing catch-up here.”

I’m sure you are. You probably took a half-day on Friday so you could go shoot 94 at a local municipal course. The good news is you managed to set a new high on Candy Crush during the 4 hours you actually spent “working.”

5. “I’m going to bang it out before lunch.”

Great news. You have a long afternoon of cycling through the same 5 websites in hopes of an update awaiting you, so please, “bang it out” before lunch. I’m sure the quality of your work won’t suffer in the least.

6. “Let me get back to you on that.”

Sounds great. No urgency or anything. It’s only a basic question that you’re paid a 30k base plus commissions to know the answer to, but I’ll sit here with my pud in my hands while you get to the bottom of it.

7. “The guy is so money!”

I think he still lives at home with his parents, but yeah, I also saw that 1996 Vince Vaughn film.

8. “Let’s be proactive on this.”

Good call. I was originally going to just sit in my office looking at smoking Jay Cutler pics, but I guess I’ll get out there and do my job like a human.

9. “We must’ve gotten our wires crossed.”

That’s understandable. It’s probably tough fielding phone calls from people like me all day while managing no less then 4 Gchat conversations at the same time. At least your friends know that you’re in for dinner and drinks on Friday.

10. “You’re a rockstar!”

Really? Rockstars travel the world slaying groupies and doing copious amounts of blow. I travel around Denver in a Camry and occasionally hookup with a 6 that I met at Chili’s. Oh, and we drug test, so unless it’s the Cymbalta that I take for mild depression, I’m probably not getting high.

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Lawyer. Writer. Dude doing business. I'm the meatloaf guy from tv.

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