Earlier this month, New York restaurant Delilah debuted the first ever “Liquid Platinum Margarita.” I just so happened to have stumbled across this news when I noticed a captivating headline “First-ever liquid platinum margarita swirls on its own — and it’s completely edible”
First of all, if you have to sell me on the fact that something is “completely edible” and not “fucking delicious,” it’s a losing battle from the start. The headline makes this sound about as appealing as Chicago’s new tourism slogan, “Visit Chicago. Stay because you got shot.” (not the actual slogan)
But jokes aside (for now), how much would you pay to drink a metallic margarita made with a $200 bottle of Patron Platinum, rose water, vermouth, and a few items from your local cake decorating shop?
Fifteen bucks? No chance, peasants.
Fifty dollars? Stick to the Don Juan, you poors.
If you want to imbibe on this “totally edible” and expensive cocktail, prepare to bust out the Benjamins because this overpriced marg will set you back $100 and requires a pretentious wait time of over twenty-four hours notice.
That’s right, you have to wait over a whole day just to get one of these. By that point, any normal person could have spent $20 on a bottomless margarita special, bought some pizza, gotten an Uber, and had way more fun blacking out for the price and time of just one of these platinum margs.
But this all raises a huge question for me. What kind of yuppie scum forks over $100 and waits over a day to sip down a cocktail that looks like a cup filled with the Silver Surfer’s cum? Well, the answer is simple. It’s the person who’s been waiting there over a day and looks like they just gave T-1000 a beej.
However, if you want to be “that” guy or girl, you’re going to need to act fast because this drink will only be around until the end of March. So unless Grandex is going to send me to New York to try this, I’d rather be a teetotaler than give this a try. And that’s coming from the guy who penned an ode to the #MargLife..