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Weekends In College Versus Weekends Now

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Once upon a time, you were just trying to make it to class alive. Now you’re just working for the weekend. Can I get a “toot, toot”? Can I get a “beep, beep”? And while you’re at it, can you also hand me that bottle of Advil? Thanks.

THEN
You could go out Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and probably Sunday. The only reason you needed Sunday was to do the homework you neglected on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.
NOW
You go out on Friday and spend Saturday through Tuesday recovering from it. You like to say it’s because you went hard in the paint, and I mean, sure…

THEN
The party don’t start ’til you walk in. And that was usually around 11.
NOW
The earlier to the bar, the earlier to bed. You could be in bed before 1:30 a.m. and it is seriously the most exciting part of your week.

THEN
You could skip class on Friday.
NOW
You cannot miss work Friday. No. Not again. You don’t have the personal day to give for it.

THEN
You would always go to your bar. Regardless. Even if there was a fire.
NOW
Oh, there’s no cover charge from 9:30 to 10? We will go there.

THEN
You were literally up for anything, including that one mile walk to the downtown bars further away from campus.
NOW
No.

THEN
You participated in a little activity affectionately known as “day drinking.”
NOW
You participate in a little activity affectionately known as “happy hour.”

THEN
You could have a different hookup every weekend if you wanted.
NOW
You’ve forgotten what the other gender looks like out of business casual.

THEN
Tailgating weekend? You showed up still drunk from the night before.
NOW
You reserve your energies for the actual act of tailgating and post-victory (or loss) drinking.

THEN
You never kept up with the bar specials and just bought whatever was on special.
NOW
You know the bar specials like the back of your hand. You’ve memorized them by day and by “lunch,” “happy hour,” and “nightly” specials. This determines whether you go out or not.

THEN
You would troll the bar in search of the poor soul you were going to take home that night.
NOW
Let’s get married?

THEN
You would dress to impress, even though you had nobody to impress.
NOW
If you’re already wearing sweatpants, there’s a zero percent chance you’ll change out of them. You don’t care to show up in your sweatpants. Fuck it, you do what you want.

THEN
You bought Natty Light and bottom-shelf liquor because LOL you’re not 21 and you’re such a badass with your fake I.D.
NOW
You buy the good shit and you learn to make it last.

THEN
You were too hungover to care about that quarter of a fifth you left at that house party to concern yourself with the 24 hour rule.
NOW
You’re still too hungover, but come Hell or high water, you’re getting that bottle back. It’s only Saturday and you need that.

THEN
Please don’t card me.
NOW
Please card me.

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lnsayers

My state gave you J. Law, Clooney, two-fifths of the Backstreet Boys, and multiple fifths of bourbon. I gave you a cover letter using Brian McKnight lyrics. Psuedo-adult by day; PGP, TFM, and TSM contributor by night. Please don't ask me to do math.

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