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This Sloth’s Quest To Get Some Ass Sums Up Every Drunk, Single Night You’ve Had Out

This Sloth's Quest To Get Some Ass Sums Up Every Drunk, Single Night You've Had Out

You’re out. And by “out,” I don’t mean you’re having a couple drinks with your friends. I mean, you’re out. Like, I-don’t-know-who-bought-this-shot-but-I’ll-take-it-anyway-before-throwing-up-in-the-bathroom out. The next thing you know, you wake up alone in your bed with SportsCenter blasting and heartburn from the pizza you snagged on your way home. When you check your phone to see if anyone has tried to get a hold of you, you see the absolute last thing you wanted to see (outside of an overdraft alert from your bank account) – that you sent a text to a girl you’ve been talking to late night to see what she was up to.

At that point in the night, you’ll pretty much do anything to at least round second base. 2x Uber surge pricing? Yep. Walk thirty blocks in the cold? Of course. Attempt to ride the already-closed subway? Denied, but you still went for it.

Or, in this sloth’s case, swim across an entire mangrove on the island of Escudo in a last-ditch effort to get some sloth ass. Proceed with caution, though, because this video is a heartbreaking rollercoaster of emotions.

From his desperate swimming to getting curved by his first girl to him getting booty called, this sloth truly went through all the emotions of a night out where you’re trying to go home with someone.

Between this and that video of those snakes trying to murk that lizard, I need Planet Earth to get released in the states more than I ever needed someone to respond to my “what’re you up to?” texts after 1 a.m.

[via BBC]

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Will deFries

Will deFries (@WilldeFries) is the world's foremost authority on Sunday Scaries. Writer, Editor, and Content Manager at Post Grad Problems. Email me at will@grandex.co.

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