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The Problem With Music At Work

Gollum-not-listening

I hate my job. Let’s just get that out of the way. I hate what I do. I hate where I sit. I hate that Bobby, the guy in the cubicle next to me, has strip mall style glamour shots of his girlfriend pinned to his side of the partition. I hate that the janitor constantly forgets to vacuum underneath my desk, so I hear the crunch of pita chips whenever I move my chair. I hate that Sarah in accounting calls me Cat instead of Cate. I hate the smell of the Glade plug-ins. I hate that I can never find parking. And I hate the inspirational quotes found under everyone’s email signature. But even more than all of that, I absolutely hate the awful music my office plays.

If your place of work is anything like mine, you know, the rat maze of cubicles with grey carpet and fake plants located just off of a major highway in a near-deserted office building, then you’re probably able to relate to my music saga. You see, in order to “boost morale,” my boss insists on playing music throughout our office. The volume level is just low enough to not particularly get in the way of work, but just loud enough to where you can’t drown it all out with earphones.

We listen to the same radio station every day without fail. You know the one I’m talking about. The one whose commercials say things like “easy listening” and “the workplace favorite.” Yeah, the DJs of those stations can suck my nonexistent dick.

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On any given workday, I will likely listen to the same song two or three times, making the weekly total a solid ten to fifteen times each week. By the time Friday evening comes around, I would rather listen to Jessica Simpson explain Benghazi than hear Daniel Powter’s “Bad Day” one more time.

In no particular order, these are the songs that torment my soul every damn day:

1. Because of You by Kelly Clarkson
2. True Colors by Cyndi Lauper
3. Slide by Goo Goo Dolls
4. Perfect by Pink
5. Take it Easy The Eagles
6. Ho Hey by Lumineers
7. Calling All Angels by Train
8. Before He Cheats by Carrie Underwood
9. All the Right Moves by One Republic
10. Jamie’s Crying by Van Halen
11. How to Save a Life by The Fray
12. What Hurts the Most by Rascal Flatts
13. Another One Bites the Dust by Queen
14. Yellow by Coldplay
15. Need You Now by Lady Antebellum
16. Won’t Back Down by Tom Petty
17. Payphone by Maroon 5
18. 100 Years by Five for Fighting
19. Hungry Eyes by Eric Carmen
20. Dancing Queen by Abba
21. Walking in Memphis by Marc Cohn
22. Rolling in the Deep by Adele
23. Mine by Taylor Swift
24. Hey Jude by The Beatles
25. Crash into Me by Dave Matthews Band
26. Bennie and the Jets by Elton John
27. Living on a Prayer by Bon Jovi
28. Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol
29. Over You by Daughtry
30. Every Rose Has Its Thorn by Poison

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Catie Warren

Catie struggles with adulthood and has been celebrating her 21st birthday for the past three years. She attended college in the nation’s capital and to this day is angry that Pit Bull lied to her, as you cannot, in fact, party on The White House lawn. Prior to her success with PGP, Catie was most famous for being featured in her hometown newspaper regarding her 5th grade Science Fair Project for which she did not place. In her spare time, she enjoys attributing famous historical quotes to Marilyn Monroe and getting in fights with thirteen year olds on twitter. Email: catie@grandex.co

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