As a chick who hangs around with mostly dudes, I am constantly berated with questions regarding womanhood. Among these questions that are generally yelled in my direction, the most common one is, by far, “Why do women go to the bathroom together?” I tell my idiot guy friends that a quick Internet search will give them all of the answers they seek because they are not the first ones to wonder about this. After disregarding my advice, and reading approximately none of the existing articles about this topic, we agreed that everyone else’s opinions on this matter are probably wrong. So, gentlemen, I’m here to help. Here are some reasons us ladies group up before hitting the bathroom.
Reason 1: We are talking shit.
End of list. This is the only reason. Girls just need to vent, and we need to do it in private. You guys can’t deny that you think girl-on-girl hate is petty, so we’d like to discuss the matter without receiving testosterone-induced eye rolls. You get judgey, and it makes us feel bad, so we don’t need to be doing it in front of you. Also, the person we need to chat about might be within earshot, so leaving together to execute an uninteresting task (pee) is an excellent escape route.
And here’s a thought: One of us girls might be into one of you guys. We obviously can’t be talking strategy with the person in question nearby. Before you claim this as the ‘one thing you learned today,’ you need to remember this:
Women are incredible multitaskers. Sometimes, we go to the bathroom together straight up out of habit. At the time, we might not have anything to talk about, but trust me, once we’re behind closed doors, we’ll find something. Sometimes we just need to check ourselves out. We might need a lipstick touch-up and/or a volumizing hair flip, but during all that, we’re still talking shit. And on other occasions, if you’re generally a hateable person, you might need to take a few selfies, during which — you guessed it — Frank Stallone. I’m kidding. It’s talking shit. The answer is talking shit.
It’s just the common denominator. Talking shit can and does occur during an infinite number of bar bathroom scenarios, thus making it the only reason women go to the bathroom together. DO YOU UNDERSTAND NOW? I hope I’ve been helpful. And if I haven’t been helpful, and I’ve annoyed you… same, dude. Same..
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