When I’m enjoying myself – whether that be while I’m lying on the couch, standing around at a social function, or just walking about town shopping for candles – there is nothing, and I mean nothing, that ruins my mood faster than getting a text message.
When I don’t feel like texting, I really don’t feel like texting. It’s the worst. If you catch me at the wrong time of day there’s a good chance I’ll leave your ass on ‘read’ for a few hours without responding just for inconveniencing me. Sure, I’ll respond when it’s convenient, but if I’m already out somewhere doing something that I deem fun you probably aren’t going to illicit a response right away. The rules obviously get changed when it’s a girl that I want to have sex with or an immediate family member, but other than that, I would just as soon call someone rather than text for a half hour. I can get done in two or three minutes what would take an hour with text messaging.
The same thing applies for group text messages. I don’t know who it was at Apple that decided it would be okay to just be able to throw anyone you want into a new group chat without getting it approved first by the person you’ve added, but fuck them. I get thrown in group text messages quite frequently and I pretty much have all of them on “do not disturb.” You want to talk about annoying? Look no further than a group chat that you’ve been forced into. On the iPhone, it even shows if you’ve left the conversation. Rarely does someone leave the conversation, though because nobody wants to look like an asshole. So you stay in the group chat that you didn’t ask to be in and just pray that people stop responding so you can get on with your day. Yeah, you can put it on “do not disturb,” but you still get the notification that you have unread text messages and that’s just as annoying.
Work event coming up? You better believe some asshole who works on the floor above you is going to toss you into a new chat with 30 other people. Now your phone is rendered useless while text after text comes in with emojis and ten-year-old gifs.
Family event somewhere on the horizon in the next six to twelve months? One of your aunts or annoying cousins has most definitely started a group chat for that.
Basically what I’m trying to convey here is that texting sucks. Nobody wants to be the guy at the bar or party who has their nose in their phone texting someone. You get labeled anti-social and boring pulling a stunt like that. Which is why I’m here to tell you that I’ve almost exclusively switched to making plans via e-mail and you should consider doing the same.
For one thing, once an e-mail is sent to a friend on Friday night regarding drinking plans, the onus is totally on them. Yes, you could argue that this is similar to you just sending a text message, but only slightly.
E-mail takes a little longer to send than a text. Plus they don’t usually get the e-mail right away. Maybe the person you sent that e-mail to is in a dead zone or their settings for their gmail app are set so it doesn’t automatically refresh.
If you’re anything like me, this is all music to your ears. Why? Because nobody really wants to go out that badly. Yeah, we all initiate phone calls or text messages from time to time trying to plan a meet up at a bar or a park. But there’s nothing better than canceling plans, and when you use e-mail instead of texting the chances that you’ll actually have to go out and do something are slim to none. I mean, look at how much fun Will and I have on an almost weekly basis.
Much like crushing Michelob Ultras, e-mailing is now the wave. Texting is so 2016. Welcome to the future, baby. Texting is for dinosaurs. It’s all about sending people e-mails to make plans now. Is it incredibly annoying to be sending e-mails to people when much simpler, evolved ways of communicating are readily available? Yes, absolutely. But give it a try this weekend in lieu of texting. I promise that your friends will get a kick out of it. Plus, asking a random girl at the bar for her e-mail address instead of her number? Talk about mind games and endless opportunities for playful banter. .