Someone’s Trying To Sell The Crashed Star Destroyer From The New Star Wars Trailer On CraigsList

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If you haven’t seen the new trailer for “Star Wars: The Force Awakens” that premiered last week, here it is. Go on. Watch it. I’ll wait.

That was fucking great, wasn’t it? And that last shot? Douche chills.

Anyway, some brilliant human in Humboldt, California decided to take to the RV’s For Sale section of CraigsList to sell that crashed Star Destroyer from the first shot of the trailer, and it’s genius. CraigsList took the ad down probably because they hate fun, but we’ve got the text of it right here:

“Selling a slightly used Imperial II–class Star Destroyer.

Previously (slightly) owned by a navigator of a spice freighter, this vessel has been sitting on my moisture farm and needs to be removed before next year’s harvest. I just haven’t had time to give this classic the attention it deserves and my loss is someone else’s gain!

1600 meters in length this bad boy has a maximum atmospheric speed of 975 km/h and an acceleration of >2,300 g. It’s got a Class 2 hyperdrive system still in working order with a backup Class 8. SFS I-a2b solar ionization reactor is in good to excellent shape. KDY Destroyer-I ion engine turns over on the first try but may need a new serpentine belt.

As you can see by the picture provided, the deflector shield generator domes are intact. That is a state of the art ISD-72x.

Fully equipped with LeGrange targeting computers, heavy ion cannons, Phylon Q7 tractor beam projectors, leather bucket seats, and a 15-disc CD changer.

36,000 tons of cargo capacity, this beauty was ran with a crew of 37,085 but you can pull it off with a minimum of 5000 leaving you plenty of room to pack in a few extra AT-AT walkers, TIE starfighters, prefabricated garrison bases, Lambda-class shuttles, yards of soil, spool after spool of pipe, and jet skis.

This superstructure is perfect for long road trips with the family, discovering new galaxies, picking up girls for dates, and general destruction of your enemies. Have you ever seen what a Star Destroyer can do to the surface of an unshielded planet? Stones run like water and sand turns to glass. With just a little TLC, this baby can be good as new.

Brand new, this beauty of the skies runs at about 145,670,000 credits, but due to some carbon scoring I can be flexible on the price. Realistically, I just need it removed from my property, so all offers or trades will be considered. Make me an offer, no mind tricks.

First come, first serve basis. You are responsible for towing.”

Anyone interested? This’ll make your morning commute pretty interesting. Traffic? Blast it out of the fucking way with those heavy ion cannons, or make your own detour using the hyperdrive. You’ll never have to worry about trunk space, or ever having anyone fuck with you ever, ever again. All it needs is a bit of polish and a loving home. Anyone got an R2-unit that can fix this bad boy up?

Don’t delay, call today! 

[via Car And Driver]

Image via YouTube

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