Snapchat CEO’s Motion For Summary Judgement Vs. The “Snapchat Sluts”

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Recently, two sisters who modeled for the Picaboo app, now Snapchat, filed a lawsuit against Snapchat and its CEO for numerous reasons, as shown here. We have obtained Snapchat and Snapchat CEO’s motion for summary judgement, which is shown below.

Case # 78-3927469696969-69

SNAPCHAT SLOOTS,

Plaintiff

v.

SNAPCHAT, INC. and SNAPCHAT CEO,

Defendant

SNAPCHAT, INC. AND SNAPCHAT CEO’S MOTION FOR SUMMARY JUDGMENT

Come now (that’s what she said) defendants Snapchat, Inc. and Snapchat CEO and hereby move for summary judgement and would show the court as follows:

I. BACKGROUND

In 2014, two sloots realized during one of their many humiliating walks of shame that back in 2011, they modeled for the Picaboo app for free, created by the Snapchat CEO, which eventually became Snapchat, Inc., and now has a valuation of $10 billion, despite having zero revenue (haha, suckers). Just like any skanks looking for free money, these two sisters decided to file a petition with the court, hoping to get a free handout of millions of dollars of my client’s fucking money. The two whores not fit to slobber on the Snapchat CEO’s frock claim that the fact that people may use Snapchat to engage in cybersexual activity has tarnished their image, although no one actually knows who the fuck they are. Apparently, if you Google search “snapchat sluts” their pictures pop up. Maybe they should take that up with Google.

II. SUMMARY JUDGMENT EVIDENCE AND ARGUMENT

The two sloots come out of the woodwork just when Snapchat, Inc., gets a multimillion dollar investment that values the company at $10 billion. How convenient for them to come to that realization at that very moment. The “snapchat sluts” believe this entitles them to equity and profit share (there is no revenue by the way, dumbasses) when, in fact, they are not owed a damn thing. The dumbasses are already on record saying the photos were a free favor. Free. The only thing worse than a slut is a dumb slut, and the only thing worse than a dumb slut are two dumb sluts. The Snapchat CEO is used to dumb sluts, but they’re rarely this expensive.

III. CONCLUSION

These two “snapchat sluts” are clearly just being opportunistic hags who never would have said a damn thing if Snapchat had not taken hold as one of the dominant free apps in the cyber(sex) world. If it wasn’t for this lawsuit, they’d just be unknown sloots, blowing random bros in fraternity houses for free drinks and cocaine, so in truth, they have much for which to thank the Snapchat CEO. Perhaps he should seek damages as well. We petition that the court sends these two young ladies back to Slootville and grant relief to Snapchat, Inc., and the Snapchat CEO. Oh, and one more thing for the “snapchat sluts”:

man-middle-finger

This is not a real court document. Idiot.

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