Initech – Office Space
Obviously, we have to kick this list off with the legendary ’90s corporate hell that was Initech. Not only was it the cliche-version of every corporate office in America, it was loaded with unbearable managers, redundant memos, sycophantic ass-kissers and the worst management structure in recorded history. They don’t even have enough birthday cake at birthday parties. That’s a bunch of garbage.
The Cleveland Indians Front Office – Major League
#1: Rachel Phelps would be impossible to work for, despite being moderately attractive. #2: You’re working in Cleveland. ‘Nuff said.
Madison Hotels Under Eric Gordon – Billy Madison
Nothing says #PGP like having a boss that’s a sociopath and might be carrying around a .44 Magnum revolver at his leisure. In the words of Billy Madison himself, “Eric is a bad, bad man.” On the other hand, I’d work for Carl Alphonse in a heartbeat, just so I could walk into work and shout, “Carl…SO GOOD TO SEE YOU!” everyday.
The Daily Bugle – Spiderman
Going to work for a dying newspaper is a bad career move in general, but add that to the fact that at any moment your office might fall victim to a terrorist attack at the hands of a super villain dressed in a ridiculous costume, and you’ve got yourself a terrible work environment. I can see the obituary now: “Killed by heat seeking missiles from a hovercraft operated by Willem Dafoe.” You know, when you say it out loud it doesn’t seem so bad.
Hogwarts – Harry Potter
I bet Hogwarts has a pretty solid salary and benefits package, awesome food, house elves to do your laundry, summers off, plus you get to live in a castle and DO FUCKING MAGIC. But yet again, you’d constantly be paranoid about attacks from Voldemort (when he was alive), dementors, and all sorts of guff from the Ministry of Magic. I’m sure it’d be a great place to work in the post-Potter era, but that kid put everyone around him in danger. Hope Hogwart’s offered decent life insurance during that period.
Omni Corp – RoboCop
If you’d asked me when I was 11 or 12 years old if I wanted to work for a Detroit mega-corporation that had military-grade android security guards, I’d have been all for it. Might’ve even considered doing it for free. But now, that just seems like an unnecessary security measure, even for Detroit. Maybe that’s why the city went bankrupt? I guess when the ’90s rolled around, people just stopped ordering machine gun-wielding security robots. Leave General Motors out of this. Detroit was screwed when the robot police officer market dried up.
Veruca Salt’s Dad’s Factory – Charlie And The Chocolate Factory
Imagine working in a place where all productivity must be halted for several weeks at a time every time the boss’s daughter wants to go on a field trip to a chocolate/child homicide factory. I don’t even remember what they made at Mr. Salt’s factory, or if it was even disclosed what his enterprise was. Whatever it was, the UK was probably in serious shortage of Salt’s goods and very well could have negatively impacted the economy. How’d the shareholders react to company employees tearing through boxes of chocolates instead of making money while doing an honest day’s work? That Veruca Salt, man. What a little monster. She got what was comin’ to her.