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My Double Life As An Online Gamer

My Double Life As An Online Gamer

A lot of people my age spend their Saturday nights downtown throwing back vodka sodas and chasing tail. What was I doing this past Saturday night? Playing my Xbox. By myself. I wasn’t completely alone; I was playing with a bunch of random people online. I know adults playing video games is a hot topic with strong opinions on both sides, but I honestly don’t care. I have a great job that I love, I have a smoking hot girlfriend, I’m involved in the community, and I need a hobby to relieve some stress. I work out 4-5 times a week and play as much basketball as I can, so I’m pretty sure I’m allowed to play video games whenever I want to. If you want to judge me for loving some downtime with my Xbox then I hope someone slams your dick shut in a car door.

Was that a little aggressive? That’s nothing compared to some of the stuff these kids say to me on Xbox Live. I’ve learned new words that I didn’t even know existed. I rarely ever use my microphone, but every now and then I’ll chime in and tell the kids to quit calling me whatever creative names they have come up with. It’s at that point I always get the same reaction, every single time.

“Whoa. You have a deep voice. How old are you?”

It’s at this moment when I remember I don’t have a gamer tag (username) that reflects that of a respectable adult male. Actually, when you see my name, most would assume that I fall in the 12-18 year old demographic. I’m not going to reveal my name because I don’t want any friend requests because I only have like 5 friends on there to begin with, but I will say that it contains the word “booty” in it.

Am I proud of it? Not necessarily. Am I too lazy to change it? Most definitely. In all reality, it helps me hide my identity. Nobody wants to party up with “SomeRandomOldGuy23,” but they’ll send my ridiculous username an invite every time. Whether I’m crushing someone in FIFA or 2K or I’m in GTA robbing some bank, I can pretend I’m just another immature gamer like the rest of them. Now, I still have a lot of “old people habits” when I play. As soon as I join a lobby, I mute everyone because their voices just annoy me and I’m usually not in the mood. Read: I have a really bad temper and if some little kid pissed me off I would probably end up making him cry so I just avoid any chance of an outburst.

My character on Grand Theft Auto wears a suit, while everyone else’s character looks ridiculous. I have the garage of a wealthy man on there too. I never stay up past 10:30 to play because I have to go to bed before 11 or I’ll literally die.

I don’t know how I feel about living a double life. I guess I’m coming clean to y’all now, but it’s not like it’s my only hobby. I spend a lot of time adventuring with my girlfriend, shooting guns, blowing stuff up, spending a ridiculous amount of money on things I shouldn’t (fireworks), working out, and golfing. Read: I just love sweating for 4-5 hours while I get so frustrated I end up snapping my driver in half over my leg.


I’m a grown man with a little kid’s Xbox gamer tag, and I quite frankly could not care any less.

Image via YouTube

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Dale Fuh

Just a big dude from Virginia that loves Dale Earnhardt, guns, and eating red meat.

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