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Morning Coffee Thoughts

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Every morning, we gather here to contemplate, plan, soak up inspiration, harvest motivation, and get jacked up on coffee and confidence for a day of kicking ass.

WELCOME TO THE MAIN EVENT. IT’S YOU VERSUS THE WORLD. TIME TO STRAP ON YOUR GLOVES, GET IN THE RING AND THROW DOWN. DANCE AND JAB, BABY. TODAY IS THE DAY YOU LAND A HAYMAKER ON LIFE AND MAKE IT KISS THE CANVAS. DON’T JUST DRINK THAT CUP OF COFFEE — CHUG IT BECAUSE IT’S THURSDAY AND IT COULD BE THE LAST THURSDAY YOU EVER SEE. THAT’S JUST BEING REAL. YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YOU’RE GOING TO BE CROSSING THE STREET AND GET HIT BY A BUS AND BOOM YOU’RE DEAD. I BET THEN YOU’LL WISH YOU CHUGGED THAT PIPING HOT COFFEE INSTEAD OF SIPPING IT LIKE A LITTLE BITCH. MAKES YOU THINK, DOESN’T IT?

LIFE IS SHORT, SO CLOSE DEALS, RIDE JET SKIS, SWIPE RIGHT, POUND COFFEE, PRAISE JESUS AND PUSH IT TO THE LIMIT.

Today, we’re going to talk about having a closer’s mentality. There is nothing more important that being mentally equipped to close deals. To be mentally sound, you need a few things.

First and foremost, you need a healthy amount of sleep. Roughly three hours a night should be plenty. This will ensure your brain stays properly functioning under even the most intense of pressure situations so you can stay figuratively quick on your feet. Speaking of feet, you need to stay physically fit. This means eating fast food no more than three times a week, working in at least a few smoothies a month, jogging a mile and a half or so every couple days (preferably behind an attractive member of the opposite sex, or the same sex, if you’re into that), and making sweet fuck on a regular basis (if not with someone else, then with yourself). Lastly, you need to dress well and smell like an angel. Don’t be a cheapskate and rock shit threads. You need to dress like a winner to feel like a winner so that you can be a winner. Bathe regularly, brush your teeth, get your haircut every two weeks at a place that costs more than $20 if you’re a man (ladies, I know your haircuts cost a shit ton more), trim your fingernails and toenails, and shave your initials into your illustrious pubic region bi-monthly.

That’s pretty much it. Follow that advice, and you’ll be like the Mariano Rivera of your company. When I have my first son or daughter of many, those are the first bits of knowledge I will impart upon them, so you should feel blessed. Now get out there and close hard. #DCO

What’s on the schedule this morning? What are you going to conquer today? Let us know in the comments section below. Positivity only. Build the energy. Come correct or don’t come at all.

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Ross Bolen

Ross Bolen is a New York Times Bestselling author, co-host of the Oysters, Clams & Cockles podcast, co-host of the Back Door Cover podcast, perpetually disappointed Rockets fan, Astros fan, and Texans fan who attended the 2017 Masters.

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