Heroin, methamphetamine, and Flappy Bird: three drugs a homeless person will kill you for. Of these, there is only one you can legally sell as a white collar college graduate to make a little money on the side. According to Forbes contributor Dave Thier, the market for owners of smart phones with the “Flappy Bird” app preinstalled can make your yearly salary seem even more miniscule than an ordinary Monday.
As of this morning, Dong Nguyen, the creator of the rush of adrenaline and frustration that emasculates players and addicts internationally–otherwise known as Flappy Bird–pulled the app from the iTunes market. Apparently earning $50,000 a day isn’t enough to overlook constant death threats and guilt for ruining so many relationships. Pimping ain’t easy.
However, all this removal did was increase the demand by decreasing supply, driving the first world iPhone users absolutely bat-shit crazy. Some young gun capitalists out there are taking full advantage of these addicts by selling their iPhones on eBay with the app preinstalled. The bids vary based on the type and model of the phone, but one enabler out there has six bids on his, which, at the moment, sits at $90,000. That’s not a typo. For a 23-year-old with debt up to his nose, this is fuck you money. Forbes was kind enough to give a point of reference: the market equilibrium price for an unlocked iPhone 5s is about $649.
It’s reasonable to assume the $90,000 is more than your annual salary. Take out the price of a replacement phone and you’re still sitting on a literal mountain of cash.
Here’s where the Nard Dawg bursts your temporary bubble of mid-Monday optimism. As every single owner of an iPhone with Flappy Bird installed commences a rush to list their device on eBay, you’re effectively driving down the price of this now collector’s app via an insurgence of supply. Here’s comes the real rain on your parade: unlike heroin and methamphetamine, Flappy Bird isn’t a consumable. The buyer isn’t looking to buy more every day. Every phone sold allows the buyer to fill his fix for eternity, hence drying up the rainfall that is the current demand.
Ultimately, one lucky soul will cash out with $90,000. We’ve also learned a few valuable life lessons from Flappy Bird. First, we’ve learned how frighteningly easy it is to give an irresponsible amount of power to a nerd who can’t even make a game with decent graphics. Second, while market alternatives exist, once the mass population gets hooked on the good stuff, Flappy Bee and Ironpants just don’t achieve quite the same high. Finally, the scariest part of all of this is even if some of you had the opportunity to sell your “Flappy Bird” phone to clear yourself of debt and buy a new car, you would choose the game 10 times out of 10. You sickos. Get some help.