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I Can’t Wait To Be A Homeowner So I Can Bitch At Neighbors About Random Stuff Like This

I Can't Wait To Be A Homeowner So I Can Bitch At Neighbors About Random Stuff Like This

I must confess to you that I’m not a homeowner. I know, all those times I told someone that I was living the dream because I couldn’t think of anything else to say were completely fraudulent. Sorry, guys. Austin isn’t cheap, but understand this: I can’t wait to be surrounded by neighborhood blowhards.

A buddy of mine recently brought me up to speed about the “Neighborhood” App, which is basically a social network for neighborhoods to discuss seemingly important things, while also tackling the hot button neighborhood issues of the day like dog poop and possum manslaughter:

I Can't Wait Until I'm A Homeowner So I Can Messages Like This Guy

Yes. This is what it’s all about. At first, I wanted to rip this dude for being a blowhard, but then I imagined how livid I’d be if I had to deal with random dook and rainwater chilling at the bottom of my trash bin. I’ve got 20 bucks that says it was some random old lady that has no idea what an app is.

Then there’s this…

I Can't Wait Until I'm A Homeowner So I Can Bitch To My Neighbors About Random Stuff Like These People

K. I wasn’t sure how I should feel after reading that. I’m probably soft, but I’m not a fan of witnessing slow painful deaths. With that being said, possums are by far the sketchiest neighborhood varmints, so watching one get murked by some mommy in a white SUV (probably hot) wouldn’t send me into a tailspin like this guy. And assuming she was on her way to a country club event is just a little presumptuous, but there’s a pretty good chance he’s right.

I’ll say this- witnessing a preggo possum take a life-ending L is probably fairly traumatic, but watching some guy on the side of the road delivering possum babies out of roadkill may actually be worse. You did a noble thing, maybe, but I feel empty inside after reading your rant.

Image via Shutterstock

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Dave

Lawyer. Writer. Dude doing business. I'm the meatloaf guy from tv.

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