Recently, several emails from Snapchat’s CEO collegiate past were leaked, displaying some less than appealing behavior for a high profile CEO of a company that earns no revenue. We have recently uncovered more emails showing that the Snapchat CEO has not ceased this kind of behavior since graduation. It’s a Post Grad Problem.
Disclaimer: These are not real emails from Snapchat CEO Evan Spiegel, and you are a moron if you think they are.
<dick snap screenshot redacted>
In case you didn’t get enough of this big Snapchat dick last night.
Also, GET TO WORK ON TIME TOMORROW. I NEED YOU PUSHING THE NEW SNAPCHAT UPDATE ON TECH CRUNCH, YOU ARE THEIR PERSONAL FLUFFER.
Sent from my ball sack
Subject: Fran’s ham wallet
Dude I fucked Fran again last night. I sent my snapcock to her pussy palace and it was crazy. I don’t know what those TechCrunch dweebs are teaching her but they are a bunch of freaks. I did some blow off her ass before the snaprostitute let me take her to pound town.
Hell, what the fuck am I telling you for? You’re a boring ass accountant. Come to the rager at my dad’s place next weekend and I’ll help you get your dick sucked.
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Subject: Sales shit
Hey kid, since you’re in sales, which means you don’t do shit, I figured I might as well put you to some use for my rager next weekend. I know you like to party, you failed three drug tests in a row and that’s exactly why I haven’t fired your ass.
Here’s your shopping list:
Water guns for spraying fat chicks
50 Plan B pills
Two kilos of blow
Two ounces of weed
A velcro target for tossing midgets
As many sluts as you can find
Use the company card for the legal shit and tell me how much cash you need for the rest.
Get all this shit by next Friday and I’ll let you come black the fuck out with us.
Big Papa CEO
Subject: Face rager
Billy Fucking Bob, what’s going on my favorite tech dweeb? I need you to do something for me. I’m having a major fucking rager next weekend at my dad’s place and I don’t need anything going public to hurt our image as a responsible, well run company (ha). I need you to shut down the Snapchat servers for all of next weekend. We’ll have Fran come up with an excuse, like it was some sort of cyber attack or something from China.
Normally I’d invite you to the rager but I don’t thing you’ll enjoy it very much. Not much nerdy shit going on, just a bunch of debauchery and drunken sluts running around.
Soon to be on the blackout express,
Subject: You fucking boner
Dude, good fucking job on the update. A lot of people are complaining, you asshole. The entire interface is fucked up. I should fire your ass from R&D.
But, you know a lot of sluts, so I’ll let it slide if you bring some fine dick suckers to the rager next weekend. Keep it on the down low and, as always, don’t tell your wife.
Until then, fix the fucking update. Venturing Ventures is all up in my ass.
Subject: Pool rager, bring hot friends
Hey Tammy, looking forward to you coming to the rager next weekend. If anyone calls asking about it, you know to deny everything, right? We have an image to keep up.
Bring a towel and some hot friends.