Well, damn. Forbes, a website that instantly loses credibility when it forces you to read its “Quote of the Day,” released a list of the world’s 10 highest paid athletes and holy shit am I poor.
The list, which will make you want to cry, includes both salary and endorsement deals. It’s why guys like Phil Mickelson are on it even though he rarely wins golf tournaments anymore. Instead, he makes a living off of terrifying children in pharmaceutical commercials.
Check it out below, via internet doofus Darren Rovell:
— Darren Rovell (@darrenrovell) June 8, 2016
“Well, would you look at that. Two Texas Longhorns on the list. I guess what starts here really does change the world, huh?” *peels off ‘Turkey and American Cheese’ Lunchable seal and begins eating a sad, pathetic late lunch* — Me, right now.
Imagine if you made $50 million in one year and then went back to your old lifestyle? You could basically retire and never work again. No more spreadsheets. No more expense reports. No more Gloria throwing away your brown-bag lunch because it isn’t labeled in the fridge. Life would just be smooth sailing from here on out.
But, no. You didn’t try hard enough in your golf lessons as a kid, and as a result, you are sitting here, reading this post, while Jordan Spieth is making $142,000 a day. He is 22 years old. It’s a damn shame, really. If you divided that by 1000, you’d still have to subtract like 20 bucks before earning what I made today.
Surprisingly, no baseball players on the list, even though they make a shit ton of money, too. Maybe I’ll hit the batting cages tonight. Or, more likely, just drink some red wine and watch HBONow. .
Image via YouTube