You know the deal. You need jobs; Craigslist has got them. This week we get filthy in Vegas and even filthier in Houston. Plus we touch on a job that’s some self-help for all the dudes out there.
From Seattle, WA: Chemical Dependency Professional Trainee?
This is where how something is worded is just so key. Frankly I did all the chemical dependency training I could handle while I was in college, and I’m not sure I’d need anymore. I was dismayed to learn however that this was a massively misleading title, as it’s to train someone to spot and treat chemical dependency.
Be better headline writers. I thought for once there was a job out there where I had relevant experience.
From Austin, TX: Hand Sanitizer Research Study – $100 Compensation
I’m seeing some red flags on this one, mainly that I didn’t realize there was any demand for new hand sanitizer. Pretty much thought we were going with just Purell and the foamy generic shit that’s located in most office buildings.
To participate in this testing you must not have any health conditions that would compromise your immune system (diabetes, pregnant, HIV/AIDs, etc.).
Frankly, I’m not sure I want to be putting anything on my hands that would be able to prey on a compromised immune system. Something tells me with my luck I’d come out of this study looking like strong hand guy from Scary Movie 2.
From San Francisco, CA: Teach computer basics
Apparently, this job poster doesn’t realize that literally every job held by anyone in their 20’s and 30’s that puts them in an office with baby boomers is a “teach computer basics” job.
From Las Vegas, NV: House Mom, Gentlemen’s Club
Nothing will cause me to lose sleep at night more than knowing that a position called “house mom” is actually a thing at a strip club.
Responsibilities include tending to entertainer needs including having supplies available for the entertainers.
1. Glitter? Check.
2. Heels? Check.
3. Pepper spray to ward off that creepy dude named Craig who always sits in the corner smoking Pall Malls and requesting Marilyn Manson songs? Check.
From Houston, TX: CASTING Singles for Social Experiment Show!
Are you tired of seeing your applications for the Bachelor franchise continually get tossed aside like the drunk girl on night one? Have no fear because this bootleg lookin’ ass reality show called Undressed is casting in Houston.
Are you ready to let go of all the inhibitions that might stand in the way of finding your soul mate…
Honestly, I thought that was called Tinder.
Are you brave enough to undress down to your underwear on camera and reveal your true self to someone you have only just met…
Honestly, I thought that was called Snapchat.
From New Orleans, LA: Highest Paying Webcam Job. Models Wanted!!!
Dream come true for me. I’ve always wondered how these people make bank simply by setting up a webcam in their room and go about their undressing routine. I’m down to make some side cash by letting some lucky people watch me shower.
Nothing sounds sexier than me getting soap in my eye and singing an off-kilter rendition of “Freebird.”
From Austin, TX: Earn up to $4000 in 6 months! BECOME A SPERM DONOR.
*Silently calculates how much money I could’ve earned over the span of long and extensive masturbation career*
From Las Vegas, NV: Conservative News Journalist
For anyone who’s dreamed of climbing up through The Blaze and all the way to that Fox News Mecca (although, frankly, they’d probably prefer to be referred to as Jerusalem) then here’s your chance. Start slinging those hot conservative takes in Vegas of all places, home of UNLV alum and recently suspended conservative firecracker Tomi Lahren.
Our daily audience includes readers from all over the nation (and world) who tune in each and every day to get their fix of Conservative, Pro-Trump, Libertarian, and Right-leaning news.
Simple as that. “Build that wall”, “lock her up”, and “Walker, Texas Ranger kicks ass!” See you on Hannity soon enough.
Job Of The Week
From Houston, TX: Adult Video Performer xxx
Ladies This is your chance to make it happen!!!
Make it happen? That’s the pitch? Good God. Might as well try “Has everything else you’ve tried in life not worked?!?”
Looking for real amateurs any race!!
That’s pretty progressive of them and I can respect that. This porn shoot is ACLU-friendly.
LADIES!!!!WE ARE LOOKING FOR THE OUTGOING AND MOTIVATED!
Picture a guy holding a camcorder and screaming this and estimate how many separate shots of pepper spray he’d have coming his way.
Men must be well endowed!!
Well pack it up guys. We aren’t wanted. .