A Definitive Ranking Of The Best Weeknights To Drink

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A Definitive Ranking Of The Best Weeknights To Drink

All weeknights are not created equal, and when it comes to the best time to pound some cold ones (or warm ones, depending how shitty the bar is) there is a strict ranking system I use.

5. Tuesday

This is the worst day to drink. To be honest, I can’t think of a reason to ever drink on a Tuesday unless you work in the service industry and Wednesday is your day off. The bars will all be dead, and to counteract that, they’ll have spectacular drink deals that you can’t resist. You will wake up 37 minutes late on Wednesday hating your life, and your boss will think you’re a piece of shit. Stay at home.

Drink of choice: Water.
Max amount of drinks: It’s water, drink however much you like.

4. Sundays

I don’t think I’ve ever purposefully decided to drink on a Sunday night, but if you’ve never gotten carried away with a do-it-yourself Bloody Mary bar and then blacked back in at 10 p.m. at an Applebee’s with a disheveled quarter of your original brunch crew, then you’re a better man than I. Once you realize that, what was supposed to be a boozy brunch has turned into Sunday rager, you have to make a fight or flight decision. Do you say your goodbyes and go sleep away your evening only to awaken in a full hangover at 11 p.m., or do you ride it out and see where the night takes you? If you chose the latter, just keep your drinks simple, and space them out with water. Mondays are hard enough, don’t make them harder.

Drink of choice: Whatever will give you the least hangover. I prefer pale ales, but I have friends that swear to vodka-sodas.
Max amount of drinks: As little as you can get away with. This wasn’t a planned event, so who knows how much booze is already in your system.

3. Monday

Right away, I’m assuming this Monday is falling during football season. If you’re drinking on a Monday and not watching Monday Night Football, you’re either deeply unemployed or insane, and I don’t want you drinking anywhere near me. Do you like starting your week off with a hangover for no reason? Is your life so bland and meaningless that you need blurry vision and a pounding head during the Tuesday manager’s meeting just to feel alive?! During football season however, I take great joy in hanging with a few friends and enjoying some brews while watching kids younger than me getting paid more than I will ever make dole out concussions. This social interaction will make your week speed up, but it should never include hard alcohol, or god forbid, shots.

Drink of choice: Beer
Max amount of drinks: Two pitchers per three people.

2. Wednesday

Wednesday is a day to Treat. Yo. Self. You’ve made it halfway through another week without quitting your job, and your boss didn’t make you show him how to use excel for the first week since you started. It’s all downhill to the weekend now, and you deserve a reward. Throw on your finest pair of sweat pants and Alma Mater long-sleeve shirt; it’s time to get cozy with a glass of wine, your favorite movie, and just chiiiiill. You’ll catch me on Wednesdays with a moderately sized (holds a whole bottle) glass of Trader Joe’s C-Sauv watching an Adam Sandler classic on the couch. Am I going to laugh my ass off at Big Daddy and spill some red on my shirt? You bet, but I earned it.

Drink of choice: Cabernet Sauvignon
Max amount of drinks: I would say keep it to a bottle max. Those wine hangovers are no joke.

1. Thursday

This is the king of weeknight drinking. Fridays are usually a breeze, and even the worst Friday hangover isn’t going to stop you from going out, so I like to loosen the reigns a little bit on Thursday. Also, this is the perfect night to get a few drinks with that girl from Tinder you’ve been flirting with for the past week. Go to your local watering hole or a more upscale joint and let things ride. My only advice is to remind yourself that while it’s so close, it is not yet the weekend. Your body was trained for four (five) years in college that you can black out on Thursdays, and will revert back to rage mode after a few drinks if you don’t remind it that you have to be up in five hours, and at least be sober enough to tie a tie in the morning.

Drink of choice: Stick to your go-to drink. Mine is a G&T, if you don’t know yours by now, you shouldn’t be reading this article.
Max amount of drinks: Four cocktails, spaced out with water.

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