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59 Things Postgrad Guys Say

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We’ve already heard 59 Things Postgrad Girls Say, so now let’s see what the fellas have to say…

  1. We should open a bar.
  2. Can you make a living off selling your semen?
  3. What’s a good interest rate, just in general for anything?
  4. What’s that guy up to now?
  5. I should buy a house.
  6. I need a new car.
  7. Let’s hit the links sometime.
  8. My mom and dad had me when they were my age.
  9. I think you’d be a good dad.
  10. I’d be a terrible dad.
  11. She seeing anyone?
  12. That dude sucks.
  13. Can’t dude. Sorry. Maybe next time.
  14. You look hungover.
  15. I am hungover.
  16. She’s gonna be a hot mom.
  17. Who got fat?
  18. I’m turning into my dad.
  19. Put me down as a maybe.
  20. I’ll see if I can swing that.
  21. One check or…?
  22. I need to start bringing my lunch instead.
  23. I’ve got a twinge in my back.
  24. They hiring over there?
  25. My résumé is boring as shit.
  26. Let me use your HBO GO login.
  27. Spot me $20?
  28. What happened to us, man?
  29. Michelob Ultra and keep ’em comin’.
  30. I wish I remembered what a good night’s sleep felt like.
  31. I shoulda taken that D-III scholarship. Look what happened to Danny Woodhead.
  32. We’re not that young.
  33. Who the fuck schedules a wedding on a gameday?
  34. You doing homecoming this year?
  35. Mom, I’m fine.
  36. We really should start carpooling.
  37. Is that a gray?
  38. It’s gonna come down to Propecia or a gym membership.
  39. Just hear me out on grad school, Dad…
  40. The fuck is a deductible?
  41. I’m a team player.
  42. You mind passing along my résumé?
  43. What’s that guy’s email you told me about?
  44. I sound like such a douche on my voicemail.
  45. I think I’ve got low-T.
  46. I can’t believe he’s gonna marry that chick.
  47. When was the last time any of us got laid?
  48. Let’s get a trip planned.
  49. She still crazy?
  50. I’m gonna head out.
  51. I thought I’d be rich by now.
  52. Grow up, dude.
  53. This place is too loud.
  54. We’re older than everyone here.
  55. I remember when you were cool.
  56. You good to drive?
  57. Open bar or GTFO.
  58. Can’t. Big day tomorrow.
  59. If you say that you’re “crushing it” one more time, I’m going to murder you.

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Brian McGannon

What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.

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