- You find yourself getting up multiple times a day to get something down from a shelf for someone.
- You find yourself wondering how all these short people got said item back on the shelf after you retrieved it.
- You’re constantly fielding questions about your athletic past.
- Yes, I played sports.
- No, I was not offered any scholarships.
- I would love to play for the company team if I wasn’t sure I’d keel over and die after two fast breaks.
- You’re asked, “Jeez, man. How tall are you?” several times a day for your first three months on the job.
- You got your own row in the company picture.
- The guy with the Napoleon complex is always trying to impose his will on you.
- You can see over your cubicle walls.
- Inversely, your boss knows whenever you’re in (or out, more importantly) of the office.
- People are always trying to estimate your height.
- Wearing any shoe with a lifted heel makes you look like an asshole.
- You always have to go with a dap or low-five instead of a high-five with a coworker.
- You find yourself trying to find a place to sit down whenever talking to your shorter boss.
- “Can you dunk, bro?”
- You have been reamed out for using the handicapped stall and no one believes that your legs are too long for a normal-sized stall.
- Do you know how hard it is to find 34-inch inseams for someone who weighs less than 300 pounds?
- What is this? A cubicle for ants?!
- I actually am telling the truth about my height on my driver’s license. Any higher and I’d legally be considered a giant.
- Call my hands “meat hooks” one more time. See what happens.
- Loathing the eventual happy hour and subsequent HR Q&A that will come with it when a coworker gets drunk and asks you how big your dick is.
- You hesitate pulling out your driver when golfing, because it’s taller than the dude you’re golfing with.
- You’re crouching in your employee badge picture and it looks like you’re taking a shit.
- You’d practice good posture, but that would make you a full four inches taller than the next tallest person in the office.
- You constantly struggle to meet someone’s eye level.
- People who come into the office are always trying to ballpark your height. “What are you? 6’5? 6’6?”
- You have developed elite shotgun-calling skills. If you sit in the backseat, you will die.
- You have lowered your chair so much that you can almost sit cross-legged on the floor of your office.
- There’s nothing better than calling the office short guy “big guy.”
- My knees are shot.
- My back is shot.
- Please stop asking me if I “ball.”
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