27 Things That Will Happen When You Move To Austin

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I made the move from the Midwest to Austin just over six months ago and was blown away with how different this city was from my Heartland hometown. The people are active (not just working out, but they go do stuff. Like all the time), the food is incredible and life works a little differently than it does back home.

1. You will have no idea how you’re going to keep up with all the healthy people in this city, because all of your meals are now served in taco form.

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2. If you haven’t taken an Instagram picture in front of the “I Love You So Much” graffiti on the side of Jo’s Coffee, no one will believe you moved here.

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3. You heard the story about the owl building within the first 24 hours you were here.

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4. Your first phone call home was to complain about how terrible the traffic is on I-35.

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5. Your second phone call home was to complain about how terrible the traffic is everywhere.

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6. The first place you got drunk was somewhere on Sixth Street, but you had trouble remembering which part of Sixth Street you got drunk on.

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7. You were awestruck at the sheer size of everything on UT’s campus.

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8. You thought you had drunkenly stumbled into someone’s downtown bungalow, when you were really just drunk on Rainey Street.

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9. You had an internal struggle in deciding if Torchy’s or Tacodeli was better.

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10. You had figured out what you were going to do with all of the money you saved from not having to pay state income tax…until you started grocery shopping at Whole Foods.

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11. You have mistaken a tech millionaire for a homeless person.

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12. You wonder what the big deal is about bats. They’re bats.

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13. The locals welcome you with open arms, but really wish you had moved to Dallas or Houston instead.

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14. It’s been six weeks, and you still haven’t seen anyone wearing a suit.

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15. You are still confused as to why they call the river a lake. It’s a river, right?

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16. You have no idea who the band is that your friend invited you to see, but everyone else does.

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17. YES. They have an IKEA.

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18. SHIT. It’s in Round Rock.

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19. It took you a while to realize Cain & Abel’s and Abel’s on the Lake were two different places.

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20. Except for the handful UT game day weekends in the fall, you’re shit out of luck when it comes to sports.

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21. The city shuts down if there is any sort of winter weather forecast.

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22. You’ve almost wrecked your car on Mopac trying to read this week’s graffiti on the Railroad Bridge.

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23. You cannot wrap your head around how people who drink so much can be this active.

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24. If your first festival experience was ACL, people told you, “Just wait ’til SXSW…”

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25. If your first festival experience was SXSW, people told you, “Just wait ’til ACL…”

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26. You haven’t seen Ryan Gosling yet and are starting to think that he’s an urban legend.

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27. You have trouble remembering that you’re living in Texas, but then you see something like this.

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Brian McGannon

What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting inappropriately drunk in public. After three years in the private sector, I went to work for the internet. Email me: Brian@Grandex.co

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  1. 46
    Rupert Pupkin

    You will magically develop allergies. Never had them in my life until I moved to Austin. F’ing Cedar.

    Nice workMehLog in or sign up to reply. • 6 months ago
    • 5
      yoyojajabinks

      Fact. Every allergen, because all of them exist in very high quantities here, will eventually kick your a$$. $h!T happens year round.

      Nice workMehLog in or sign up to reply. • 6 months ago
      • -4
        Sabennaba

        Nope, It’s called that only by folks from places like LA where articles preceding highway names are standard. Same goes for Guadalup-eh vs. Guadaloop and Manchac vs. Manchaca.

        Nice workMehLog in or sign up to reply. • 6 months ago
  2. 19
    cavereric

    We’re running out of water and the traffic is getting worse by the day. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON’T MOVE HERE.

    Nice workMehLog in or sign up to reply. • 6 months ago
  3. 15
    Alumni

    1) Torchys is better, duh.

    2) Being a local, pretty funny observation about Lady Bird Lake. But it’s a river. We just call it a lake. I think.

    3) Kind of upset there’s no mention of any BBQ and how it’s superior to the Midwest’s.

    4) Seriously, just wait for SXSW.

    5) You probably shoulda moved to Dallas. Or Houston. I hear San Antonio’s nice, too.

    Nice workMehLog in or sign up to reply. • 6 months ago
    • -5
      Brian McGannon

      Texas BBQ is great. Had Lambert’s and Salt Lick. They were amazing, but still refuse to call it superior to Kansas City BBQ.

      Nice workMehLog in or sign up to reply. • 6 months ago
  4. 9
    GradBoner

    Pretty fair. The pretentiousness can also be there too depending on where you live.

    Nice workMehLog in or sign up to reply. • 6 months ago
  5. 6
    cnvives

    You can’t see the graffiti on the train bridge from MoPac. That view is from Lamar, or “the” Lamar if you’re a douche. Go back to California.

    Nice workMehLog in or sign up to reply. • 6 months ago
    • -2
      SurfBreak

      CA doesn’t want these rejects back. The genuinely cool people of SoCal (there are plenty) were pleased when they left the first time.

      Nice workMehLog in or sign up to reply. • 6 months ago
  6. 5
    atxborn

    yes add allergies and as far as the lake, what makes this ‘river’ a lake is the fact that there is a damn on both sides of it. east of pleasant valley, longhorn dam, turns back to colorado river.

    Nice workMehLog in or sign up to reply. • 6 months ago
  7. 5
    Bornaustin

    By the way….if Austin is so great, why do people have to constantly talk about how great Austin is and hold their noses up at every other city? And put transfers down even though the majority of Austinites are transfers?
    I was born at Seaton so I can call myself an ex Austinite.

    Nice workMehLog in or sign up to reply. • 6 months ago
    • 1
      This guy

      Seriously?? You must be from out of town. Locals do not go here, there’s better burgers in Austin that you especially don’t have to wait in line for.

      Nice workMehLog in or sign up to reply. • 6 months ago