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20 Things To Do Instead Of Work

1. Sharpen all the completely irrelevant pencils you have in your desk.
2. Spend at least an hour creating a new email signature.
3. Troll as many blog posts as possible in a 2-hour span.
4. Give yourself a perfect manicure.
5. Push the limits on “questionable” site limits before you get an e-mail from IT.
6. Stand in the copy room and make absurd small talk with everyone that comes in.
7. Create seasonally appropriate decorations for your desk. YouTube instructions as needed. Snowflakes can be trick.
8. Print out all the “Emergency Preparedness” information you can find on your company website.
9. Print out pages and highlight random passages.
10. Create a PowerPoint presentation of your best friend’s most embarrassing Facebook pictures.
11. Find an office map, print it out, and carry it around like you’re on a treasure hunt. Take a nap in a random stairwell discovered during said hunt.
12. Calisthenics.
13. Find whatever ingredients you can in the kitchen and attempt to make something edible from them.
14. Find all live plants, no matter where, and water them all. No matter whose they are, or what office they’re in.
15. Paper punch and staple everything you find in one drawer as fast as possible.
16. Clean every speck off your shoes with one single napkin.
17. Take a thorough inventory of your desk supplies.
18. Listen to back-to-back-to-back podcasts all freakin’ day.
19. Check your credit score. Then again, maybe not.
20. Brush your teeth in the bathroom and see how many inquisitive looks you get.

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Mary Swanson

Both a bitter and optimistic 24-year-old entry-level underachiever with 2-4 friends and 0 talents. Washed up is an understatement. I prefer almost all my food luke-warm, what does that say about me?

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