Pretty much everyone knows that your employer can read your emails, instant messages and anything else stored on your work computer. There’s always one guy who disregards this completely and sends you idiotic messages like these, though:
1. Have you seen the tits on the new intern?
2. So hungover today. I got absolutely shit-hammered last night.
3. Check out these Two Chainz memes.
4. That meeting sucked. I think I fell asleep at least twice. Our bosses are fucking dildos.
5. I’m going to kill this client I’m talking to on the phone right now. Actual murder.
6. Definitely calling in “sick” on Friday. Are you up for 18?
7. Linda in accounting is such a bitch. She only got hired because her husband goes golfing with one of the partners.
8. I saw Katie from HR at the bar on Friday. Pretty sure I violated a few sexual harassment policies during our convo.
9. Check out this fantasy mock draft board I just made.
10. We don’t do random drug tests, right?
11. Are you still interviewing with other companies?
12. That picture on Dave’s desk of his daughter gives me a boner. Is she 18?
13. I’ll pay you $20 to make my PowerPoint for this presentation I have to give.
14. There was so much ass in that sensitivity training seminar.
15. It’s five o’clock somewhere. Let’s cut out early for happy hour.
16. I’ve been Facebook stalking the girls that work in our satellite office for the last hour. They have some real talent over there.
17. Good thing I put some Baileys in my coffee this morning.
18. M/F/K: the fat secretary, the crazy cat lady in IT, your mom.
19. My cousin goes to school with the VP’s daughter, said she is a total slut.
20. I was so baked at the company softball game last night. No wonder I went 0 for 5 with two errors.