You’re Way Less Likely To Develop A Drinking Problem After Marriage Which Is News To Me

You're Way Less Likely To Develop A Drinking Problem After Marriage Which Is News To Me

There’s a term you’ve probably heard before – “Ride the wave.” Without going into too much detail, “the wave” is essentially another word for momentum. Things going well with the ladies? Keep shooting until you go cold again. On a bender? Keep drinking before the hangover sets in. Crushing it at work? Put in some extra hours so you don’t feel as bad taking three-day weekends for no other reason than to get hammered. Ride. The. Wave.

When you’re single, riding the wave is easy. You don’t have anyone to answer to, or anyone that needs to answer to you. When you’re single, you’re out there wheeling and dealing trying to find the one at every bar your Uber will take you to. And when you’re single, you’re going out pretty much every night.

But then you get locked down. And then you stop going out as much. And then your hungover Saturday brunches turn into runs to Home Depot. And then you go home, nap, and stay in for the night watching a romantic comedy rather than hitting the bars with all your single friends. The hangovers lessen, the responsibilities increase, and all of the sudden you’re a married adult.

Or, at least, that’s how I assume it works, especially now that I’ve read this study from Psychiatry Online that says you’re much less apt to develop an alcohol problem after marriage. Per the study, women have a 71% lower risk of developing an alcohol problem once they’re married compared to men who are at a 60% lower risk.

Of course, this makes complete sense. Remember ol’ Jimmy? Ah, can’t go out this weekend because he’s gotta stay at home with the kids. Tom? Ol’ ball and chain been keeping him down lately. Jeff? He’s been to four straight weekends of baby showers, that poor son of a bitch.

No word on whether or not married people are just getting bombed alone at their houses, though. I’d bet my money on that before I bet on my friends turning sober. No one said you can’t ride the wave solo.

[via Psychiatry Online]

Image via YouTube

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Will deFries (Twitter / Instagram) is a Senior Writer at Grandex and the world's foremost authority on Sunday Scaries (Twitter / Instagram). Email me at

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