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“I think we need to talk about strategy for Saturday,” she said.
We sat inside a crowded sushi restaurant a few Fridays ago drinking pinot noir and discussing plans for the rest of the weekend.
I looked at her assuredly. I knew exactly what she was talking about.
“Yeah, okay. I mean….I’ll defer to you on this but I think my best bet is to just go up to him and apologize for my behavior last year.”
I was talking, of course, about an incident I had with some gin last year. I embarrassed myself, and I absolutely made some enemies – enemies that the girl I now sat across from eating sushi is friends with. I won’t go into detail because the story is long, convoluted, and not all that interesting.
In short, the party we would be heading to the next day was going to have some familiar faces at it, and one of them happened to be a guy who I didn’t exactly hit it off with last year whilst guzzling gin.
“I think, at least for now,” she said, “maybe just keep your distance and if he wants to come up to you and talk, fine. But don’t initiate anything. He.does.not.like.you. And I really can’t stress that enough.”
This was her subtle way of telling me that this guy, who I had been trying to make amends with for months hated my fucking guts.
So the next night at the party, instead of going up to him I hung back. I waited for him to initiate a conversation with me that never happened. She was right. Her strategy worked, and there was no fighting, no awkward exchanges, or apologies said.
After the party ended that Saturday night I realized something – maybe it’s better to just openly hate someone and pretend like they don’t exist rather than pussyfoot around and try to make nice.
Sometimes people just rub you the wrong way. I give strangers the benefit of the doubt when I’m at a social function, but I’ve found that for the most part I can tell whether I’m going to like someone within ten or twenty minutes of talking to them and observing their actions.
I try to see the good in people when I meet them. I really do. There are times though when it’s simply out of my hands. There are times when I’ll shake somebody’s hand and know immediately that I hate their fucking guts. What I didn’t realize until a few weeks ago when I was at that party was that this is okay. It’s perfectly fine not to like someone. And yet every weekend, I see men and women alike openly talking shit about a person, and then turn around and kiss their ass when they see them. We’re fake, and I think it’s time we stopped doing that. It can’t be healthy.
The point I’m trying to make here is that we’d all be a lot better off if we just stopped putting effort into making people like us. If you don’t like someone, or you know that someone doesn’t like you, why do you feel the need to try and make that relationship work? Just let the bygones and bygones and go about your business.
Other than a lot of anxiety about how you think things went, what is there to gain from acting fake around an acquaintance or a friend of a friend? Telling someone straight up to their face that you don’t like them would be ideal, but this isn’t an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm. So instead of the awkward conversation, why even have one? You’re both probably aware of the mutual disdain you share for one another. There’s nothing to gain from forcing conversation.
Looking back on that night in the sushi restaurant, I now feel like a fucking moron. Why force it when I don’t have to? He doesn’t like me and I’m not particularly fond of him.
Before, I thought the mature thing to do would be to go up to him and clear the air. But you know what you can’t account for when you’re trying to act mature? The other person. Taking the high road is not always the answer.
Just because you want to rebuild a bridge that got burned down doesn’t mean the other person wants the same thing, and sometimes the mature thing to do is not necessarily the right thing to do.
Instead of trying to bridge gaps between people who don’t like each other, why don’t we just skip all of that and not talk to one another? Two people who hate each other probably aren’t going to make up with a simple handshake. It’s easier to pretend the other doesn’t exist.
Is this a healthy way to go through life? I don’t know the answer to that question. But forced, awkward conversation and pretending like everything is fine isn’t the answer either. I found out what happens when people stop being polite and start being real – peace between warring factions. That’s what happens. Who knew MTV’s The Real World was full of wisdom like that?.
Image via Unsplash
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jduda@grandex.co
Duda you needed a hit. Nice article.
What happens when you don’t like most people? Asking for a friend.
Drinks and talk about our mutual distaste for most people?
Unfortunately from my experience this approach seems to be more socially acceptable for men than for women. That hasn’t stopped me from being honest when I don’t want to be around people though. I’d rather be called a bitch than be miserable.
I feel really indifferent about a lot of people. Not a lot of hate, but I guess it could turn that way if I cared more
Solid tale, couldn’t agree more. We’re all adults now and are free choose who we associate with in our spare time. If we dislike someone and don’t have to associate with them, why do it?
Solid take*