Your Monday Coffee Isn’t Doing Anything For You After A Weekend Bender

Your Monday Coffee Isn't Doing Anything For You After A Weekend Bender

You wake up on a Monday morning. For the second time. Because the first time you woke up on Monday, you were in a cold sweat and it was three A.M. You lethargically sit in bed thinking, “I need to fall asleep or else I’m going to be tired all day.”

But when 6:30 A.M. finally hits, and you press snooze four times, there’s one thought that goes through your head – I need coffee.

When you hate your job, the weekends become about you. It’s a “bars, beers, buzzed. Wings. Shots. Drunk. Waitresses, hot” situation that leaves you reeling at your desk come Monday morning when every trip to the Keurig feels like you’re climbing Mount Everest. The bad news? After one cup, those cups of coffee aren’t doing shit for your energy level.

Per The Food Network, The American Academy of Sleep did a study that revealed that “after you sustain three nights of the less-than-optimal amount of five hours of sleep, caffeine has almost no benefit at all, improving neither your alertness or performance.”

Fucked up, right? Even though I always said to myself, “All the coffee in the world wouldn’t save me from this Monday,” I didn’t actually mean it. Now all that creamer and milk is just lost calories adding to the shit I shoved into my body all weekend when I was proclaiming, “Calories don’t count at brunch!” like a total douchebag.

Looks like you’re going to have to score some adderall from that sketchy intern who sits in the corner and clearly buys it from his fraternity brother.

[via The Food Network]

Image via Shutterstock

Email this to a friend


Will deFries (Twitter / Instagram) is a Senior Editor at Grandex and the world's foremost authority on Sunday Scaries (Twitter / Instagram).

9 Comments You must log in to comment, or create an account
Show Comments

For More Photos and Content

Latest podcasts

Download Our App

Take PGP with you. Get

New Stories

Load More