Writers’ Roundtable: Being Asked To Leave

Writers' Roundtable: Being Asked To Leave

During most of your life, I imagine that you’ve been a good patron at any establishment/area you’ve ever been to. Maybe had a few drinks, enjoyed some good company, had a nice time, and you leave. Just occasionally though, you drink a bit too much, mess with the wrong person, or the shit just goes down in some sort of way, and you’re kindly (Or sometimes not so kindly) asked to leave. The PGP group discusses their most memorable time getting tossed out of somewhere.

I am banned for life at the TGIFridays in Rochester, NY. In high school, we had a travel tournament there. I think I was like 14 or so? Anyway, this was when ripaway swishy pants were big with the buttons on the side. A kid on my team was being a dickhead so I decided, in the middle of the restaurant, to rip off his pants, exposing his tighy whiteys to the restaurant. Between this and our general raucous behavior, our hockey team was asked never again to frequent the Rochester TGFridays.– MadoffInvestment

I got tossed from my first Dave Mathews Band concert. Tried to enjoy the show from the lawn, but some guy got mad I was too tall and blocking his way. He tried to push me, so I pushed back a little harder, and he went rolling down the hill. I got tossed (and did so with an MIP) and we chilled back at the tailgate. DMB is still good out in the parking lot.–Delph

Summer of 2010 I went to Mac and Bobs in Salem, Va to celebrate my buddy Paul turning 21 at midnight. I was 19 and my fake at the time was trash, so I pregamed hard a brought a flask in. Five minutes before Paul turned the big 2-1 I got spotted by someone who worked there. My flask was removed from my possession, and despite my begging I was escorted out. On my way out I was told the cops were coming. The bouncer at the door told me to stop but I hit him with that NCAA Football O-button spin move and got out a free man.– Kyle Bandujo

I was out with a few friends during my first year of med school – we were trying to meet up with some of our classmates at a popular bar downtown and the line was ridiculously long. In this part of town, it’s pretty common for bars to have storage cellars that are accessible from the sidewalks – the entrance to the staircases are hidden under the sidewalks by these big metal doors that swing open. We were in luck – the plate hiding the staircase to this bar’s cellar was open, so instead of waiting like a peasant, we decided to try to sneak into the bar through the cellar. We dipped down the stairs and quickly found ourselves in a storage area with a walk-in cooler, but no way to get up into the main part of the bar. Refusing to admit total defeat, we all stuffed a few beer bottles into our jacket pockets and tried to head back up the stairs to the sidewalk but were intercepted by a barback on his way down to grab more booze. He freaked out and started screaming at us and blocked our exit until we turned out our pockets and he confiscated all 6 of the beers we’d scooped. He threated to call the police if we ever came back to that bar, but seeing as I’m a pretty average looking white dude, I was back the next night with no issue.–Crick Watson MD

I got kicked out of the same bar twice on Halloween 2014. I was dancing, I bumped into some little gang banger who tried to start beef. I calmly tried to diffuse the situation but that failed, so I walked away. I went downstairs to the bathroom, where it appeared – to drunk me anyway – that he followed me. He could have also needed to pee as well but who knows. Anyway, I smashed my beer bottle against the wall to try to let him know I’m loco and not to be fucked with. Welp, the bouncer who saw me do it was none too pleased. I dipped into the bathroom, where my buddy came up to me at the urinal to tell me the bouncer was going to ask me to leave. I knew this was going to happen, but for some reason, I stayed posted up at the urinal for like 20 minutes. At one point the bouncer came in to get me, so I calmly left. After I left, I realized I left my dope Navy Ensign hat that I had on for Halloween at the urinal. I wanted it back. So I hopped back in line, got into the bar, buried my head in my phone, made it to the top of the steps and thought I was home free. Then a bouncer spotted me, picked me up in the air from behind – legit feet off the ground – and was tossed out the door onto the curb like Uncle Phil does to Jazz in the Fresh Prince.– Improper Brostonian

I was once kicked off of the I-35 turnpike in Kansas. This is not a joke. During a spring break road trip, I crossed into Kansas from the south at just around 3am, and was immediately pulled over for speeding. I also had out-of-date registration, because I’m a pinnacle of responsibility. The cop told me that until the registration is sorted out, he’s supposed to impound the vehicle. However, after seeing 4 guys and a packed truck full of clothes and other things (like 16 handles of liquor), he decided to do us a solid and let us off the hook as far as that was concerned. HOWEVER he didn’t want us to get popped down the road, because his fellow highway patrollers would know that he let us go. So we were told to drive back roads until we got to Salina. Side note, on the back roads we’re pretty sure we saw a frontier justice murder, but that’s a story for another time.– Icehouse

Any day that starts with a round of golf and ends with dinner and drinks is an At Risk Day. Even if you’re not completely hammered, you’re going to be sunburned, tired, and your face will be puffy from all the pollen you inhaled while you hacked it up at Tierra Verde. That’s a recipe for being cutoff, and unfortunately, that happened to me a couple years back. “I swear I’m not even drunk.” Thanks a lot, Nodding Donkey. — Dave

My first formal with my now wife, I put a 5th of jager to the face before getting to the venue. My ass hit the ground a few too many times on the dance floor and they had me take a breather. Pictures indicate my face was as red as the tie I was wearing. I think the bouncers just kicked some of us out so they could dance with our dates because a few of them were said to have done just that. Unprofessional cocksuckers.– Cush

” It was my junior year of college and my friends and I had just finished final exams for the fall semester. Everyone was in high spirits. After taking a shot of Rumple Minze that my buddy had bought for me, I leaned back in a barstool and tried to keep the vomit down. Long story short I was not successful. I spewed all over some poor girls boots and was immediately thrown out by a bouncer much larger than myself. For whoever had to clean that mess up, I’m truly sorry.–

As mentioned in an earlier roundtable, I’ve been known to do some extremely embarrassing things while intoxicated. One of these moments happened to involve being asked to leave after licking a window at an establishment not known for its class. This happened at 2pm while families were having lunch beside me. I’m really glad the Internet knows this about me now.– Best

Driving towards Austin for my Grandex summer internship in 2015, the college sports nerd in me literally could not resist pulling over in Waco to see what I could do at Baylor’s swanky new football stadium — which could not be more in-your-face when driving on I-35. Spring finals were over, and it was a Sunday, so I knew campus would be totally empty, altogether creating a prime opportunity for me to do some damage. Being as innocent-looking of a 21-year-old as could be, I thought it would be harmless to hop the fence to walk around the new field for a bit and take a picture or two. The on-duty stadium security guard for this private school’s joke of a police force was not on the same page as me, and I was detained immediately. Due to the fact that I’d been driving all day, I had zero clue that a few miles away from campus three hours prior, there was a bizarre mass shooting dominating the national news. The enraged head of campus police tied it together somehow, threatened to arrest me, but instead laid down a meaningless six-month ban from campus grounds. — Intern Evan

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Kyle Bandujo

The artist formerly known as Crash Davis. My kid doesn't think I'm funny.

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