======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
Happy Wednesday, fam. I know it’s been a while, but I finally have a free second to write, so here is this week’s long overdue Would You Rather. For anyone who doesn’t know what that is, it’s a game where I offer you a choice between two options that I’ve thought up found online for you to decide between. Then, I break down the options and — through my flawless power of logic — I make the right choice. Let’s see this week’s question.
Would you rather: Have a horrible job but be able to retire comfortably in 10 years OR have your dream job but have to work until the day you die?
This might be the hardest question I’ve ever asked in this column, and to be honest, even as I’m typing this, I don’t know which way I’m leaning. But first, I’ll answer any questions you may have.
1. How bad is a “horrible job?”
It’s really fucking bad. The hours are long, your boss is a nightmare, the work is boring as fuck and grueling, and the pay is shitty. Whatever your nightmare job would be, that’s what you get. Probably something like roofing, telemarketing, or selling Cutco knives. Just a fucking hellhole. However, through some kind of amazing benefits set up, the day you finish ten years of work, you’re set up with a retirement fund that will let you live out your remaining years in comfort.
2. Are there limits on my dream job?
The only limit is that it must exist as a real job, and you must work it at least 40 hours a week, every week, for your entire life. You can’t decide to be a very selective escort who only bangs models. You can’t make up a job where you work for three hours every Monday and then have the rest of the week off. If you decide to be an escort, you’re banging ugly, creepy people for eight hours a day until you die. I’m assuming that’s not anyone’s dream job, but who knows? Y’all are weirdos.
Now that all your loophole-attempting questions are answered, let’s figure this out. To be honest, this is heavily dependent on age. The average life expectancy is around eighty. If you’re anywhere within a couple decades of that, this is a no brainer. Take that dream job and enjoy your remaining years. Don’t gamble on being able to enjoy retirement in ten years.
However, if you’re 26 like me, the prospect of losing ten years of my life to be able to never work again definitely has its appeal. But shit, that’s a long time. A decade of my life. Sure, I’ll retire at 36, but with what? I’ve worked shitty, minimum wage jobs, and I thank my stars every day I no longer have to. The boredom. The inability to do anything that costs money. The physical toll. Those are all real factors. I dragged kegs up flights of stairs and unloaded freight for 18 months, and my joints are still feeling it a year later. I was constantly stressed, and I didn’t have the energy or money to do the things I wanted to do.
If you’re single, think about how being constantly broke would help your chances of finding someone. Sure, you can tell people it’s only for ten years, but that’s a long fucking time for someone to hang around in the hopes that you’ll be able to have a life together afterwards. That reward is impressive, however. I won’t lie. When I hear “live comfortably,” I’m picturing a decent house in a place I love, a nice pre-owned vehicle, and the scratch to go to on four domestic and two international vacations a year. I won’t be a rockstar, but I’ll have time. So much time to do whatever I want.
On the other hand, if I pick my dream job, I could be a literal rockstar. Or an NFL player, if I don’t mind “working until I die” meaning until I’m 38. That shit would be fucking awesome. I could be an art collector, an investor, or a male model. I could have money, fame, and any girl I wanted (which would be my girlfriend, of course, who reads all my columns and whom I love dearly). Basically, this choice would mean living your fantasy life.
But would it still be a fantasy if you could never stop? Imagine being a sixty-year-old rockstar. Sure, Van Halen did it, but are you Van Halen? You wish. If you picked an athlete, your body is in shambles. Even if you’re a pro golfer, you’d have to be training 40 hours a week, every week. I know some of y’all love golf, but do you love it enough to do it forever? I don’t know, guys. Even dream jobs get old after a while. You’d never get a chance to travel the world. You’d never be able to spend your golden years with your significant other and your grandkids. You’d be working that nine-to-five until they put you in a six-by-two (the average dimensions of a coffin; I looked it up to make this sentence work).
It all comes down to time versus lifestyle. Is decades of living a free, comfortable life worth a prime decade of your life? Is 60 years of loving what you do worth never getting a break? I gotta be honest, I’m not sure. Or at least I wasn’t until I remembered that travel writers exist.
Fuck retiring at 36. Fuck working at McDonald’s for ten years. Fuck ever working outdoor jobs again. I choose working my dream job until I die. I would travel the world and write about local foods, cultures, and experiences. I would be Anthony Bourdain (RIP), and my life would be an adventure. Would it be hard work at times? Yes. Would I want to take a break? Of course. But if the other option is wanting to die for a prime decade of my life and then being bored for the next five? I choose to work my dream job until I die..
Respond
Nick Arcadia
The opposite of a life coach. Email or DM me if you want some bad advice: nickarcadiapgp@gmail.com
@noampao
noamio
nived where you at for the third option
Thanks, Will. Sorry everyone, I’ve been caught up in meetings which hopefully in the next 10 years won’t need to happen anymore due to automation and all of us being replaced which is part of the 3rd option. Once automation takes over and displaces the majority of us, society will have to be restructured as I mentioned yesterday. Universal Basic Income predicated off the growth of productivity output is the best solution if done right. We’d be living off the efficient and scalable work done by robots and algorithms instead of each other and the poor. This will change Capitalism as we know it and instead of it being a monetization entrapment for the elite to take advantage of everyone else(which it is currently) we can pivot to a resource based economy to establish an equilibrium with our living environment before we completely destroy it if we haven’t already…..”lol”
Just look at Members of Congress and The Rolling Stones, they have people waiting on them hand and foot until they croak, no one wants to stop working their dream job
I thought 10 years of terrible work was the move. Thank you for pointing out I could be a congressman until I die and still essentially live the retirement life.
Congressmen work, on average, 18 hours a week and therefore would not qualify for a dream job under the rules of the Would You Rather. Nice try though.
That isn’t counting interviews, campaigning, fundraisers, speaking events, etc. As much as we like to bag on our elected officials, that’s gotta add up to some long weeks.
Best,
JG
Does Guy Fieri put in 40 hours/week on Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives? Because that job seems pretty sweet.
So in der the bad job scenario, I’d absolutely hate my life for 10 years, then be bored out of my mind for another few decades? No thanks. Dream job until the day I die, hands down.
Under* damnit
Hey now, I work in commercial roofing and it’s not that ba- okay yeah it fucking sucks.
Have had a horrible job for 10 years. Still can’t retire. PGP
Wouldn’t it be great to just be a wine, scotch, whiskey connoisseur. I think I could do that for life. Awesome benefits. Meeting great people through tastings. Generally work with a mild buzz all day.
I didn’t think those people swallowed, which sucks.
You don’t get PTO at your dream job in this scenario? Why has no one mentioned this? You’ve gotta work 40 hours a week for 52 weeks a year and including holidays? What the fuck kind of dream job is that?
10 days PTO final offer
Also, maybe I didn’t pick up the sarcasm, but going on four domestic and two international vacations a year sounds closer to being a rockstar than living comfortably…
If you don’t have kids to support it’s not too outlandish.
Easy. Do the shit job, retire, and then work the dream job with no stipulations.