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5. Miguel Angel Jimenez
Sure, his appearance is sleaze-level black, but don’t tell me you’re not fascinated with this dude. First, his nickname is The Mechanic, which just sounds badass. Jimenez became a legend of sorts after his wild-ass warmup session — which features him doing some unholy gyrations, often with a cigar — received national media attention:
Seriously, what’s going on there? He’s dangerously close to hitting the stanky legg and a crip walk at the same time. I’m not sure if that’s ever acceptable, but he does it and he pulls it off. Sure, he’s never won a major, but he came in fourth at 2014 Masters at age fifty. Most fifty-year-olds I know are being treated for low-T, not posting top-five finished at Augusta. You know this man parties. Maybe he doesn’t speak the best English (or any at all), but that shouldn’t matter. He’s just one of those guys who probably picks up the tab everywhere he goes and takes it personally when people aren’t having as good of a time as he is. Respect The Mechanic.
4. John Peterson
They made me change pic.twitter.com/gftzUqy57t
— John Peterson (@JohnPetersonLSU) January 2, 2015
Everything I know about this dude is via the miracle of Twitter (@JohnPetersonLSU). “PGA Tour. Former NCAA Champion. If I could get paid to hunt, id be doin that.” Yeah, that’s John’s Twitter bio. Solid. Although John still maintains a relatively low profile on the Tour, he recently burst onto the scene here at Grandex after exchanging Twitter banter with noted TFM writers @WRBolen (dude’s verified) and @RogerJDorn. This young gun is really turning some heads.
John is an alumnus of Louisiana State University, which leads me to conclude that this dude throws down much harder than I do. True story: I once took a little road trip down to Baton Rouge for LSU-South Carolina. It was pouring rain and miserable. I walked into the stadium and before I even got to my seat, some wonderfully intoxicated nineteen-year-old girl leaned over a railing and blew chunks all over me from about forty feet above me. Never got her name, but we basically hooked up. Back to John. If you browse his Twitter feed, you’ll see that John enjoys blasting birds, supporting our military, and hanging out with dogs. I support all of these activities, as does anyone I consider a friend. Look for a big year out of John, both on and off the course.
Double Fisting
What's up Fort Worth?!?!?!??!?? pic.twitter.com/lQErLLjnfT
— John Peterson (@JohnPetersonLSU) January 31, 2015
3. Jason Dufner
No surprise to anyone. This former PGA Champion proved that you can reach Cutler levels of indifference and still win majors. Dufner gives hope to all of us who seek to excel in our careers without looking like a try-hard. Dufner caught my eye as someone I’d probably like to rage with at the 2011 Waste Management Phoenix Open. Sure, his game looked good and he finished second, but what caught my eye was the in-your-face hog leg he was sporting in his bottom lip. “Is that what I think it is, or does this dude have some kind of condition that I shouldn’t be commenting on?” I thought to myself. Seriously, I haven’t seen that much Copenhagen stuffed into a bottom lip since hell week. (He deserved it for looking an active in the eye.) Also, in case you didn’t know this, Jason married up (see below). Nice. I’d relish the chance to strike out with Mrs. Dufner’s hot friends. (Updated April 28, 2016: They are now divorced.)
2. Phil Mickelson
Oh, sweet Lefty. The guy is so good with the media, but I don’t buy any of that shit. Phil has the look of a phenomenal bullshitter, and any respectable man has at least one of these guys in his inner circle. He’s in his forties and still sports a top-tier frat shag. Have to respect that. After Phil won The Open Championship at Muirfield in 2013, he celebrated by pounding a $40,000 bottle of wine out of the Claret Jug. Dude clearly goes big. And we can’t forget about my favorite Phil vice: his penchant for wagering on anything and everything. The great Paul Azinger told the story of a friendly game of Hammer featuring Paul, the late Payne Stewart, Ben Crenshaw, and Phil (power foursome) which culminated with ‘Zinger telling Phil to “putt it, bitch” as Phil stood over a fifteen footer worth sixteen hundred bones. Phil obliged, and he drained the putt. This is the kind of guy you max out with. Ninety-nine percent of the time, you’re going to get a polished, grown man wearing a high-brim visor, but there’s that 1 percent of the time where Phil may go off and do something completely reckless. You need that element.
1. John Daly Hooters GOD
Because of course. I don’t care what his golf game looks like currently, and I don’t care whether he’s slimmed down and sober. John is major winning legend who blasts cigs on the course and does not give a fuck that he’s playing bogey golf on national television. Not including John on this list would be like doing another Ghostbusters movie with an all female cast. It’s just something that shouldn’t happen. Hey, here’s John doing an interview shirtless for some reason:
Let’s not forget John’s ties to everyone’s favorite post-round dirtbag establishment, Hooters. How many people can say they’ve been sponsored by Hooters? I bet he got free calendars every year. Also, back in 2008, John was arrested after being asked to leave a North Carolina Hooters for being intoxicated and uncooperative. Who hasn’t been there? If you haven’t been asked to leave Hooters at least once, you’re soft. Still have doubts about this ranking? Here’s JD with Barry Switzer. Notice the shorts and overall badass demeanor.
Got @PGA_JohnDaly down 3 at the turn @TobyKeithMusic Golf Tournament for OK Kids Corral pic.twitter.com/QijavF4WdH
— Barry Switzer (@Barry_Switzer) May 17, 2014
I don’t know if this Razorback is partying much these days, but if given the chance to slam Kentucky Deluxe and listen to John tell stories of the glory days, then I’m taking it..
Image via L.E.MORMILE / Shutterstock.com / photogolfer
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Dave
Lawyer. Writer. Dude doing business. I'm the meatloaf guy from tv.
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Buddy of mine has a cushy job with the PGA and says KJ Choi is one of the rowdiest party guys on tour. Not saying he goes on this list, but I’ve gotta throw some love for the unsuspecting candidate
Nicknamed “Tank”, too. Definitely making a push for the top five.
He’s no Anthony Kim.
Where’s Dustin Johnson? He allegedly got suspended for doing too much blow, and there are rumors he was nailing another pro’s wife. Dude knows how to rage, is what I’m saying.
There’s nothing ‘alleged’ about the blow…our the other pro’s wives (yes plural). Put him on the board.
Grew up with the whole Johnson family, they’re all wild (fun).
I grew up with the Johnson family, too. I even knew a kid named Dustin Johnson. Not the same person/people considering Johnson is the second most popular surname in America. Nice try tho.
I can prove it in any number of ways. Thanks for trying to make me look stupid, nice try tho.
If you are insinuating that I was callilng you a liar, you’re correct in thinking so. But this is also the internet and I’m not dumb enough to believe everything I read on here, sue me. Also, nothing I said was was false or an attempt to disprove what you said, except maybe that last snarky remark.
Don’t hold back SCar87, you MUST win this anonymous internet argument!
1. Steve Elkington- If you don’t know, you don’t know. I highly recommend you do research in this guy. He’s a no-brainer at #1, really.
2. Dustin Johnson- Actually got to play a round with him back in ’07 when he was at Coastal Carolina. Low key pretty funny dude. Obviously loves to enjoy himself.
3. Rory McIlroy- Might not go as hard as the rest, but who wouldn’t want to get sauced alongside the best golfer on the planet?
4. Jon Daly- The guy has stories. Crowd favorite. Obvious choice.
5. Anthony Kim- Top 15 player in the world, Ryder Cup member, missed time for sugery, became an alcoholic and notorious party animal and never returned. I’d give him a shot.
Anthony Kim partied himself off the PGA Tour and is now living off his $12M in career earnings, and $10M insurance policy that is voided if he ever takes another swing on the PGA Tour.. Dude is a PGP icon
Was at a practice round of the PGA Championship a few years back and Miguel Angel Jimenez walking between holes gives the gallery a nice little, “how the fuck is everyone doin?” with the cigar still in his mouth.
+1 for top-tier frat shag. Great article.
Robert Allenby is making a hard charge at the leaderboard if he maintains his shenanigans from the last few weeks.
Mahan would bring the tail. Sad DJ wasn’t somewhere on here. Nailed it with Daly.
I’ve actually liked Jiminez for a while now, the nickname “The Mechanic” sounds like he is the muscle for a Breaking Bad villain.
No Quigs???
No Bubba? C’mon man
Bubbas a devout Christian, he doesnt drink.
But have you seen the dumb redneck stuff he does in his spare time – I would sacrifice cold beer to hang out with him
He is a notorious dickhead. Don’t let his off the course life fool you.